Viking Poetry

  For the most part, when someone says the word "viking" the first things people think of are huge blond men with swords, horned helmets, and Thor. While some of that may be true, people often don't see the original texts of Norse works and are given simplified versions. While there's nothing wrong with that, especially since it can be incredibly convoluted, no one can say that Norse poetry is written by uneducated pirates. I've been reading through The Saga of Ragnar Loðbrok recently and here is an excerpt when describing his son, Sigurð: 

"I have never seen bridles in the brow-stones of the beard-slopes of the brow, save in Sigurð alone."

“Beard-slopes” is a kenning for cheeks, and “cheeks of the brow” means “eye sockets.” Thus the first helming (the first four line section) literally translates: “I have never seen snakes in the eyes of an eye-socket, save in Sigurð alone." " - Chris Van Dyke

Edit: While the writers can't be called uneducated pirates, the kings themselves may not have been the smartest:

"But Ragnar’s sons, though they were powerful in them- selves, thought they might not stand against both the great crowd and the pagan sacrificial-magic. However, they faced it unflinchingly and guarded themselves well and bravely and with great renown. They, Eirek and Agnar, were at the front of the host that day, and often they went against the host of King Eystein.
But then Agnar fell. Eirek saw that and then bore himself most boldly and did not care whether he came away or not. Then he was overborne by the great force and seized. And then Eystein declared that the battle should stop, and offered Eirek peace. “And I will lay this offer before you,” he said, “that I will give you my daughter.”

Imagine: Ragnar, one of the most renown vikings ever, tells his sons that it's totally okay to go pillage a nearby kingdom. They go off with a small army of men, and when they land, they are confronted by a ginormous army. Specifically: "...and it was said to me truly that they do not have a third of our troops."
Now imagine that you are winning that battle, and then you kill one leader and capture the other. Why on Earth would you ever offer to marry him to your daughter?
"Now, I know we have our differences, them being that you want to kill me and take all of our riches, but I think with time we can work through that. Please, marry my daughter!"

Of course, Eirek being a badass motherfucker:
I will not hear an offer for my brother, nor buy the maid with rings from Eystein, who spoke the words of Agnar’s death.
My mother will not weep; set me up to stand pierced through by a forest of spears— at the last, I choose to die.

I'm a lyrical lover...

Random story from freshman year:
  I was listening to Mr. Boombastic by Shaggy one evening while my roommate was around. The conversation went more or less like this:

"Ha, letting out your inner gangster?"
"I guess? I found out about this song in the whitest way possible..."
"How so?"
"I was watching a BBC improv show (Mock The Week) and the prompt was 'things the queen left out of her Christmas card this year.' The comedian started to sing the lyrics to Mr. Boombastic and I liked it enough to download it."
"Yeah, that's pretty white."

Balls Among Men (and Women!) Pt. II

Slapball

 I created this game my senior year of high school and unlike the version of baseball I proposed, this game has actually been played.

Rules:

1. This game is played with 6-8 people, 3-4 people per team. 
2. Slapball is gender neutral, meaning teams can be mixed, unlike most sports.
3.  The court is preferably a large room, but the game was first played on an auditorium stage. A basketball court might do the trick.
4. The court is divided horizontally down the middle.
5. The court itself has two options:
• Walls are set up at the farthest ends of the court. The purpose will be explained later.
• The ends of the courts are empty, but the court is required to be longer in both directions so the players have the space to run.

Gameplay:

1. Teams start on their respective sides of the court. Suggestions for team setup:

2. The person in the front, i.e. closest to the line, is the server. The server tosses the ball (see below for details) into the other side of the court, and it must bounce at least once. Because this is the serve and the beginning of the round, it must be a gentlemanly toss, meaning that it cannot be whipped into play, nor can it bounce over the other server's head.
3. Once the ball is tossed in the round has begun, not after the first bounce. This is important for the next couple of rules.
4. The ball cannot bounce on the ground more than 3 times. If the ball bounces more than three times, even after and between slaps, the other team gets a point.
5. If the ball ends up rolling for whatever reason, it is considered dead and the opposite side of the dead ball gets a point.
6. The ball cannot be slapped more than 3 times. This number is cumulative between teammates until the ball reaches the other side.
7. The ball can be slapped 3 times by 1 player, or 3 times between teammates.
8. If the ball comes in contact with teammates more than 3 times, the other team gets a point.
9. While the correct way to make contact with the ball is a slap, i.e. a flat hand, the ball may be backhanded, punched, chest- and/or belly-bumped, and/or head-bounced.
10. The ball may not be kicked. Kicking will result in the opposing team to get a point, but this is subject to the referee's call.
11. Most of these are at the players’ own risk, and is especially not suggested during The Thunder Round.
12. After every 3^rd round, Slapball enters The Thunder Round. A round is over after each point is scored.
13. The balls used are the following:

To acquire one, search the interwebs or ask your local toy store about Helium Balls.

This is the lightning ball. It is filled with helium, relatively light, and is the ball the game starts off with. It bounces quickly, so be ready!

To acquire one, search the interwebs for "ball filled with water and glitter" or ask your local toy store.

These are thunder balls (I have the green one!). No, don’t worry; they are not all in play at once. As stated in rule #10, after every 3^rd round the lightning ball is removed and the thunder ball is put into play. This ball is much heavier, picks up much more speed, and requires a lot more force to slap back. Regardless of this, all above rules, including the bounce and contact rules, apply. Following The Thunder Round, the thunder ball is removed and the lightning ball is put back into play.

14. The game should have a referee to make calls on contacts and bounces, as well as making general calls on other issues that might arise.
15. In order to keep teams and referees fair, in the event of odd numbers, such as 3 vs. 4, after every Thunder Round teams rotate clockwise.

16. Regarding walls: If the ball hits the walls at the back ends of the court and returns to the opposing side without coming in contact with a player, the sending team gets a point.

While this is shown in the diagram, three bounces are not required to count against the receiving team. If the receiving team does not make contact with a ball before it returns to the senders’ side, it is a point for the sending team. 

  17. Rule #1 of Slapball above all rules: Talk about Slapball!