Going Bananas

While I was watching Disney's Tarzan, I realized that some of this movie encompasses various worries about dating. Here are a few:

A Delightful Disney Afternoon: Peter Pan

  A couple of days ago I watched Peter Pan for the first time. I've seen bits and pieces of it here and there for no good reason, so I thought I should finally see it from start to finish. I'd seen the 1960 version, because we had it recorded on VHS (I'm going to be twenty this year. Oh gods) from ages ago. It was alright, but the costumes were reeeally fake, and they had a woman play Peter Pan instead of a kid.

At least she doesn't scream "sexy". That would have been awkward for everyone.

  I absolutely loved Peter Pan. Unlike Snow White, I had very little bad to say about it. The voice of Wendy was done by the actress who does Alice (I'll wait while you look that up), and the whole story, as fantastical as it was, is well, fantastic. I thought the kids dressed in skins of animals was a little weird, since they're immature children who don't know anything about Indians, yet can somehow acquire the skin of a freaking bear cub.

That's an Indian. Right? Guys? Guuuuys?

   That is probably the only real issue I had with the movie. Now, obviously this was the the 50's and everyone knows that Disney was a bit... iffy when it came to not being a Nazi.

They're letting colors into the industry? What is the world coming to?

 Honestly, now that I've added this movie to my repertoire, I have to say that it is probably my favorites regarding plots. There weren't that many songs, and I honestly don't think that was the main focus anyway, so if you ignore the racial undertones, this is probably in my top 5 Disney movies.

Oh the racial undertones.

  I absolutely love the pirates. I thought that the pirates really made everything better, especially their dance number about why they should sign instead of walking the planks.

You'd think that anyone who had that much time to choreograph would spend more of it getting better at catching children.

  I consider the storyline to be pretty ingenious, especially since I watched it with a child's mind, I totally understood the humor.

Mermaids competing for a boy that wouldn't know a boob if it motorboated him in the face? HI-larious.

 And it wasn't just that. I loved the map on the father's "only cummerbund", whatever that is. All I know is that it's good for map-drawing and will instantly become clean with a dry handkerchief. I know I keep saying that "I loved" this and "I loved" that, but honestly, this is one of the best old-school cartoons I've seen in a while.

 With that in mind, I'd like to leave you with this image.

I spent about 3 minutes going back and forth until I could capture this perfectly. You had better enjoy it.

A Delightful Disney Afternoon: Snow White

  One of my friends posted this really cool Snow White Remix video last night, which made me want to watch Snow White, so I got a bunch of Disney movies, including: Snow White, Dumbo, Pinocchio, and Peter Pan. It's been about 10 years since I watched any of those, so I thought it was definitely time to watch them again. That being said, I've become quite skeptical of these princess situations, so I thought I would blog about some of the things I find questionable or just odd.

Warning: Childhood may be ruined.

In the very beginning, the second scene opens with Snow White cleaning the steps and dressed in rags. I know the story and understand the point, but one must realize that the kingdom Snow White lives in must be pretty shitty if the queen forces her daughter to clean the castle, rather than being able to afford hired help. Even if she hated Snow White as much as she did, the servants would still feel bad for the princess and help her out a bit. There is no way that the queen has nothing better to do than watch Snow White wash floors and windows all day. Even in Cinderella, where they were just nobles, the step-mother went off and did step-mother things.

Like perfecting weird hairdos and being old.

 Wouldn't the servants keep Snow White hidden away in the kitchen or something where she could just snack and hang out? I can't imagine that the queen herself is in charge of the cleaning duties. I don't know much about castle hierarchy, but I'm pretty sure that the queen didn't walk about the castle making a concise list of all the chores that needed to be done.

But you can't stop me now, I'm having such a good time!

I suppose if the queen got some free time she might be like, "Oh hey mirror, what's Snow White up to? She's not singing with that Prince from one castle over is she?"

"This is what it sounds like when doves cry!"

 Even so, she would just see her in the kitchen eating on her lunch break. She can't be completely heartless because, whatever, Snow White is still in rags and eating in the damn kitchen.

Oh. Right.

Of course, I'm not even going to get into the fact that the queen should just be able to use her magic to change the entire goddamn world. This whole movie could have been a whole lot shorter if the queen had just Magic Missile'd Snow White at the beginning. This would make up for the fact that I'm not even 6 minutes into the movie.

Following this wonderful duet (not sarcasm, I love Disney music), the queen tells her huntsman to take Snow White out to the woods and kill her.

Killing bitches? Ain't no thang.

  Given the previous situation of there being no servants, can't the queen just kill Snow White herself? Even if there are people in the castle, I'm sure there's a spell to make people fall down stairs. She even tells the huntsman, "You know what happens if you fail", so obviously being cruel is not news to the help. "Did you hear? The queen exploded Snow White this morning." "Eugh. Get the intern to clean it up."

But I need something to put in this box! It was on sale!  
And I can't return it.

But again, this movie would be a bajillion times shorter, and I wouldn't be writing this! So, the huntsman takes her into the woods, tells her to run, yada yada yada, and Snow White runs off fearing everything she sees because it looks like it might kill her. Like minecraft.

OhGodsthosearen'tacacti!

Following this, she collapses in a secluded spot and decides to cry. Now, I know that it's got to be pretty traumatic to be told that the queen wants her dead, but is it really a surprise?

Why oh why didn't I recognize the signs of abuse? She told me rags were the new black!

After this, all the animals come out to sing, and they are all happy, and everything goes swell. But this scene really makes it seems like Snow White knows more than her character should know. She keeps leading the animals on, about how she can't fit in the ground (well she could, but the huntsman chickened out), and she couldn't fit in a tree or nest, but surely there must be somewhere in the woods she could stay! Wait, there is?! How wonderfully convenient to my dilemma! Though I suppose Hansel and Gretel were just as successful in their endeavors.

She seems rather jovial for someone being led off to feed the bear. I don't think she can understand us.