Sharing is Caring

  Facebook and Twitter are the best know social networking sites out there, not counting Myspace. But what is their function? Facebook boasts that they help people get back together after years of disconnection, whether it be by joining the military, going off to college, or that time you shot their brother and then used the body as a puppet so that no one would know the difference.

You can barely even see the wires on that beardy guy in the middle.

  Twitter is... What the hell is Twitter for? Before I started using it, I always said that it was for people who wanted have a Facebook where all you could do is update your status every 5 minutes. Yes, there are some people who use it for that, but I got an account a while back because of a follower contest for Goblins. Since then, I've realized a thing or two about these social networking websites.

  Some of my friends make fun of me because I'm always posting links to videos and Cracked articles on Facebook, specifically to my girlfriend's wall for the most part. But the thing is, it all shows up to mini-feed. If you like that sort of thing, that's awesome, because that means you're getting all types of cool articles and information. From there, maybe you send the link along yourself, or maybe it gets you into a new website you've never heard of before. If you don't like it, hide me, whatever. There is so much information and knowledge out that there you may never see, and I like to think I'm helping you experience at least some of it.

  Twitter on the other hand, really is Facebook without all the bells and whistles. And you know what? I love it. I have found so many new webcomics, music, videos, games, awesome tee shirt sites, and articles, from science to deaths in the comic industry. Now, you do get a ton of people who are like, "LOL ate a sandwich", and "Just saw Justin Beiber live, why don't I have any friends?" but I don't follow those people. In my next post, titled Feeding You in 140 Characters or Less (link coming in about an hour), I will explain who these fabulous non-annoying people are.
 
  Between these two websites you have to realize something, iff'n you like, and that is these aren't just for catching up with that buddy you haven't seen in three years. They're for networking. Creating networks of information that are sent all over the world in barely a second. I'm sharing knowledge with you, whether it's a baby monkey on the back of a pig or the history of Pixar by movie.

Holy cow, isn't that what the internet was made for?!

Facebook Official

  You probably have a facebook since at this point almost everyone has a facebook, and if they don't, there's a "Like" page about them. What ever happened to groups? Ah, those were the days.

Aaah! You know I use facebook!

  Anyway, I was thinking about the "relationship" status thing on facebook, since I just had my one year anniversary and I remember taking a nap out of sickness  last year and waking up to a thousand notifications for every "Like" and comment about the new relationship.

  The trouble with it is the breakup. Now to all of you who know me, no, I'm not plotting anything, I just got to thinking about the awkwardness. Normally (see: pre-facebook) when you break up or get dumped, you call all your close friends, and you either get plastered, pity fucked, ice cream filled, hella sad, or all however many I listed. Nowadays if you get dumped, the other person changes his or her relationship status to single, and you're left with it awkwardly saying that you're "in a relationship" in grey, like it was your birthday (there's some sort of reference here, but I don't know what. In any case, it's a technical pun). And that's fucking sad. Not only is it sad, it's like when you're an adult and they've moved out and you still have a cardboard box with that hardhat they gave you that time you had sex at the abandoned factory and got tetanus.

if that doesn't scream "fuck me" then it explains Valentine's Day a lot.

  It's the last remaining thread of the relationship. You can't leave it there, because then it seems like you're desperate or have false hopes about getting back together. And even if you get rid of it right away, it still brings all of the "pity comments" to both parties. All those friends you share will want to know what happened on both walls and all of that will show up in your feed. You don't even get 100% "sorrys" or "what happened?"'s. You get a bunch of awkward immature people who think that you'll know they care if they post a frowny face.

I know you're experiencing an emotional loss, but I thought a colon, dash, and open parenthesis would fill that void in your chest.

  If you're reeeally lucky, they might just throw in an apostrophe for your troubles.

For the person who feels like they have nothing right now, I summarized "I Will Fight No More Forever" with symbols for you. Cheer the goddamn fuck up.

Gylfaginning Pt. I

  Get your giggles out now please. Yes, that is pronounced gil-fag-inn-ing.
I'm not quite sure what the ing is, since Norse doesn't use the "ing" for verbs, but it breaks down into "The Beguiling of Gylfi", Gil from Gylfi, fag (and possibling ing, faging mea- I'm not going to officially say "faging" means to beguile. Even if it's not english, I feel dirty just thinking that) being part of beguiling, and inn being an article for "the". There you go. Now you know some Norse. In case you're wondering why I'm doing this, check it out here, here, or here.

  So the story starts out when a beggar lady shows up to King Gylfi of Sweden and is all like,
Yo, ho, dosey do, yo ho dolity doh!
 So King Gylfi is all like, "You're pretty amusing, have some land!" So he gives her "as much as four oxen might turn up in a day and a night." I have no idea how much that is, but if he's a king, it's probably a lot.

  Well it turns out, surprise surprise, that the beggar chick was one of the Æsir(1) . Her name was Gefjun(2), which is cool I guess. So she goes home, and travels to goddamn Jötunheimr(3) to get four Jötunn(4) oxen. Well, Jötunn oxen are fucking huge, so of course they come tramping in like they own the place, and tear the land a new asshole.

Probably for the best.

  The area that the oxen plowed is now called Lake Mälaren, which is a lake in Sweden (even ancient Norse mythology has a "humble beginning" story).

  Well Gylfi gets all bent out of shape, because honestly, would you want a goddess living on your land? She's the goddess associated with virginity, so it's not even like she's your hot neighbor or anything cool like that. Gylfi, in his anger, disguises himself and decides he's going to go to Ásgard(5). Gylfi is arbitrarily a wise man and knew magic(6), so he disguises himself as an old man, because the Norse pantheon is totally weak to two things, kryptonite and young men in an old-men cloaks. Just kidding, Odin can see the future from his throne in Ásgard's citadel, so he was able to see Gylfi coming before he even left his house, so Odin & Co. set up a fake hall (hut, tavern...thing. Just google meadhall), which seems rather immature, fighting fire with fire.

  For no reason other than plot device as only the Norse can do, Gylfi, in all of his wisdom and knowledge, goes "into the town", which is the most generic, "let's get this shit going already" transition. So to get shit going already, Gylfi walks into this hall, which was described as "a hall so high that he could not easily make out the top of it: its thatching was laid with golden shields after the fashion of a shingled roof." I suppose if I saw that I'd think more of it than just a regular hall, but it seems odd that if he's looking for gods the first place he would go would be town but whatever!!!

GET ON WITH IT!

Right, so Gylfi walks in and sees this guy juggling anlaces, "having seven in the air at one time". Don't bother google imaging anlaces, the world doesn't seem to think they exist. Dictionary.com defines them as "a medieval short dagger with a broad tapering blade". That just seems dangerous. The guy, I assume without stopping, is like, "Hey there 'old man', who are you to come into this hall?"

See? I can talk fancy too.

Well you don't give your real name to the first guy who asks when you're a secret agent in a magic hall of the gods, so he tells him that his name is Gangleri (Technically, Ek heiti Gangleri. Bam), and asks if he could he stay at this sweet-ass hall for the night. Then he asks who owns the hall, to which the guy with the daggers replies that their king owns it. I assume at this point Gangleri has to stop himself from saying, "Aw snap, I'm a king too! Best friends forever!" The ladies love me for my Paintbrush skills.

  Then the juggler tells Gangleri that he would go talk to the king and that he should come with to talk on his own behalf and they would see what was what. The two of them leave the room and as soon as they're in the next room, "straightway the door closed itself on his heels."

And with that we're going to end this blog, because it's getting really long and I'd rather not have a super-duper long post. Also, I like parts. Whiiich sounds a lot more serial killer-esque than I'd like.

-Skald out!

p.s.
I promise that this gets a lot more interesting. This is just the set up for a bunch of stories told in response to a series of challenges to the new king's wisdom.

1. The main pantheon of gods. The other one is the Vanir, which will come later.

2. Gef-yuhn
3. Literally "home of the giants".  I'm hoping to get somewhere in New York renamed. Pronounced Yo-ton-heimr, but in english the "r" wouldn't be there. We speak goddamn Norse here.
4. Also means Frost Giants in the right context.
5. As-guard, but if you want to sound like a gigantic cock, technically pronounced Ahz-guard.
6. You will see a lot of this throughout the mythology. Just wait til I get to Sigurd/Sigmund...