Puns are fun to write
Limericks can be dirty
but haiku are best
Well-written puns can be clever
and haiku are quite an endeavor
but the form that is great
and please don’t get irate
will always be the limerick
There once was a poem
That was very confusing
Limerick, haiku
I stayed up writing
All of this work was for you
(Sorry there’s no pun)
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Friday, February 17, 2017
There once was a fisherman who lost his rod in the lake. While he was lamenting his foolishness a fairy came out of the lake with a golden fishing rod.
"Is this your fishing rod?" it asked, testing him.
"Oh hell yeah," the fisherman said. He took the fishing rod and sold it. Then he used the profits to hire trappers to capture the fairy. The fisherman charged people $3 apiece to see it and used the money to start a mining company, which fracked the land to the point of uselessness.
The End
"Is this your fishing rod?" it asked, testing him.
"Oh hell yeah," the fisherman said. He took the fishing rod and sold it. Then he used the profits to hire trappers to capture the fairy. The fisherman charged people $3 apiece to see it and used the money to start a mining company, which fracked the land to the point of uselessness.
The End
Sunday, February 12, 2017
A Poem From 2013 Me, A Student In Italian 102
Le rose sono rosse, le viole sono viola
Qui ci sono alcuni fatti su piante
una poesiola
Roses are red, violets are purple
Here are some facts about plants
A poem
Qui ci sono alcuni fatti su piante
una poesiola
Roses are red, violets are purple
Here are some facts about plants
A poem
Friday, February 10, 2017
The Cobbler and The Faerie
While many tales exist to warn us against deals with faeries, there are a few that serve to remind us that they are not completely without their own foolish ways.
One such story is that of the cobbler who upon meeting a faerie was asked to make him the finest boots he could ever imagine for the summer solstice. In exchange, the faerie would give him pocket watch. What was remarkable about the watch, the faerie explained, was that as long as it kept time it would grant the cobbler fortune beyond his wildest dreams. The faerie, thinking himself rather clever, broke the watch so it would not run. The cobbler agreed and presented the faerie with a pair of boots the likes of which none had seen, in the land of faerie or otherwise. The faerie kept his end of the deal and gave the cobbler the watch. Upon returning home and seeing the watch would not work he brought it to his friend the jeweler, who simply remarked that it needed a new winding mechanism and fixed it for less than the cost of a handful of nails. The cobbler lived happily ever after and without his watch the faerie missed the summer solstice.
One such story is that of the cobbler who upon meeting a faerie was asked to make him the finest boots he could ever imagine for the summer solstice. In exchange, the faerie would give him pocket watch. What was remarkable about the watch, the faerie explained, was that as long as it kept time it would grant the cobbler fortune beyond his wildest dreams. The faerie, thinking himself rather clever, broke the watch so it would not run. The cobbler agreed and presented the faerie with a pair of boots the likes of which none had seen, in the land of faerie or otherwise. The faerie kept his end of the deal and gave the cobbler the watch. Upon returning home and seeing the watch would not work he brought it to his friend the jeweler, who simply remarked that it needed a new winding mechanism and fixed it for less than the cost of a handful of nails. The cobbler lived happily ever after and without his watch the faerie missed the summer solstice.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
A Killer Headache
They came in with guns, shouting for us to get on the ground. No one would get hurt, they said, if we all just cooperated. Don't be a hero.
I didn't really want to get on the ground. My knee was acting up that morning and the floor looked fairly dirty. I told them as much. I don't remember what they said after that. I hope it was something cool, though. Something like, it'll be even dirtier with your brains on it. It wouldn't sound very nice, and everyone else would gasp, but it would sound cool. It would get the job done. I would get on the ground like they said. No one would get hurt.
I got on the ground like they said. As I laid down I felt one of my headaches coming on. One of those terrible headaches that shoots up the back of your neck and you can't think straight. This one wasn't coming up my neck. This one was in my temple. I rubbed it. It didn't help.
They took the money. They pointed at me and said if anyone tried anything smart they'd end up like me. That seemed silly. I was on the ground. We were all on the ground. I should have said something. Then they could say something like, keep doing that or you'll end up in the ground. Life's not a movie, though. If it were, I would grab a shotgun from under the teller counter and blast them away. But there is no shotgun. Just gum someone had stuck under there. That's rude, I thought. You're not supposed to chew gum on the job. That's probably why it's stuck on the underside of the counter. I should say something.
My mouth is stuck shut like I had a mouthful of peanut butter. Or used gum. It's a gross thought. I almost vomit but contain it. The hero of the story always keeps their composure. Or do they? I couldn't remember any specific heroes, especially not any that hadn't had a moment of weakness. I tried to decide if that justified throwing up, but then I figured you had to have a history of heroics before you were allowed to vomit on the job. Or if it was your first day on the job. Then you could just vomit out of fear. But I wasn't particularly afraid. I just had a gross thought. No hero vomits over a gross thought.
I wasn't really a hero. I was laying on the ground with everyone else. And I had a headache. Did Batman ever get headaches before a night out? Could he call in sick?
Sorry Joker, you'll have to wait until tomorrow to be stopped, I have a headache. I know, I'm sorry it's so last minute. I will, Alfred is bringing me some aspirin. I might still show up if I'm feeling better later but I wouldn't count on it. Thanks, you too. Send Harlequin my regards.
I think they left while I was trying to decide whether to vomit. I sat up. That didn't help my headache. There was a lot of crying. I felt a little better. I hadn't cried. I hadn't even vomited in the end, so I chalked that up to a win. I asked the lady who works next to me if she had any aspirin. She was crying too hard to hear me I guess. I wasn't good with crying so I walked away. I was almost knocked down by a paramedic on my way into the lobby. I thought about telling her to watch where she was going but that didn't seem like a nice thing to say to a paramedic. She was only trying to help. Her partner ran behind her wheeling one of those wheeled stretchers, gurneys I think they're called.
I wandered outside to get some fresh air to help my headache. There were police officers everywhere, questioning witnesses and trying to calm people down. One man just kept shouting something and pointing at the bank. I recognized him as my manager. He was pretty upset so I decided to avoid him. I would walk home and take a nap. I could call in sick later, tell them the shock was too much for me. I wasn't a hero. I was just a bank teller. I would make sure they knew I hadn't vomited though. Hero or not, I've got a reputation to maintain.
I got home with very little trouble. There was a big yellow school bus parked across from my house, which was strange. I hate when things are out of place like that. There wasn't anyone on it, including a driver. There was always a driver inside school buses, even when there weren't any children. I shrugged and went inside the house. I needed to take a nap, or at least take something for my headache.
The phone was ringing. It was supposed to go to voicemail after a few rings but didn't. Who was calling me this time of day anyhow?
Oh hello would you like to buy a subscription to our magazine? I assure you it's quite good. Yes I know print just isn't what it used to be.
And then the operator would start crying. He was definitely not a hero at his job. Maybe today is his first day. Then he can cry. Tomorrow he'll come in, resolved never to cry on the job again. He would sit at his desk and call a stranger's house and demand they buy a subscription to the best damned magazine in the world.
No, I wouldn't be picking up the phone today. I don't need anyone else crying at work. What if I got him fired?
The phone was still ringing. I walked over and picked up the receiver, then left it next to the phone on the small table.
"Hello, this is George with Infographics Incorporated would you like to buy a subscription?"
I don't know what an infographic is, George. I'm sorry.
I didn't pick the phone up, though, so he probably didn't hear me.
"Hello?"
Hello.
I stared at the phone for a moment before going upstairs. I could still hearing poor George greeting the empty room as I went. How awkward for him.
In the bathroom I looked for a bottle of aspirin. My headache was getting worse. Where was it? Why was my headache so bad? I tossed old bottles of antibiotic creams and boxes of cough drops behind me like they do in the cartoons. Some landed in the bathtub. I would find them later and laugh, I'm sure. Remember when my headache was so bad I was just throwing things behind me like they do in the cartoons? Hilarious. Witty. Charming, they would say. I don't know who they are, but whoever they were, they felt I was witty and charming. We don't always get to meet our critics, even those who love us.
Where was the aspirin? The medicine cabinet seemed bigger than it had ever been. Was it infinite? Would I be sucked in like Alice and her looking glass? Don't be silly, I thought, the mirror is on the outside of the cabinet. I should have read that book. I probably would have passed freshman year English the first time around if I had. The next year they weren't teaching it.
Where was the aspirin? Why was my headache so bad? If only I could find the aspirin.
If only I could find the aspirin.
George was still asking the living room if anyone was there. No one was there. They were up here.
If only I could find the aspirin.
The morning at the bank was fairly stressful.
If only I could find the aspirin.
I wonder why they kept pointing at me.
If only I could find the aspirin.I hope they don't think I was kidnapped. I just went home.
If only I could find the aspirin.
What if they were trying to call my house looking for me? George needs to hang up and give someone else a chance.
If only I could find the aspirin.
I didn't really want to get on the ground. My knee was acting up that morning and the floor looked fairly dirty. I told them as much. I don't remember what they said after that. I hope it was something cool, though. Something like, it'll be even dirtier with your brains on it. It wouldn't sound very nice, and everyone else would gasp, but it would sound cool. It would get the job done. I would get on the ground like they said. No one would get hurt.
I got on the ground like they said. As I laid down I felt one of my headaches coming on. One of those terrible headaches that shoots up the back of your neck and you can't think straight. This one wasn't coming up my neck. This one was in my temple. I rubbed it. It didn't help.
They took the money. They pointed at me and said if anyone tried anything smart they'd end up like me. That seemed silly. I was on the ground. We were all on the ground. I should have said something. Then they could say something like, keep doing that or you'll end up in the ground. Life's not a movie, though. If it were, I would grab a shotgun from under the teller counter and blast them away. But there is no shotgun. Just gum someone had stuck under there. That's rude, I thought. You're not supposed to chew gum on the job. That's probably why it's stuck on the underside of the counter. I should say something.
My mouth is stuck shut like I had a mouthful of peanut butter. Or used gum. It's a gross thought. I almost vomit but contain it. The hero of the story always keeps their composure. Or do they? I couldn't remember any specific heroes, especially not any that hadn't had a moment of weakness. I tried to decide if that justified throwing up, but then I figured you had to have a history of heroics before you were allowed to vomit on the job. Or if it was your first day on the job. Then you could just vomit out of fear. But I wasn't particularly afraid. I just had a gross thought. No hero vomits over a gross thought.
I wasn't really a hero. I was laying on the ground with everyone else. And I had a headache. Did Batman ever get headaches before a night out? Could he call in sick?
Sorry Joker, you'll have to wait until tomorrow to be stopped, I have a headache. I know, I'm sorry it's so last minute. I will, Alfred is bringing me some aspirin. I might still show up if I'm feeling better later but I wouldn't count on it. Thanks, you too. Send Harlequin my regards.
I think they left while I was trying to decide whether to vomit. I sat up. That didn't help my headache. There was a lot of crying. I felt a little better. I hadn't cried. I hadn't even vomited in the end, so I chalked that up to a win. I asked the lady who works next to me if she had any aspirin. She was crying too hard to hear me I guess. I wasn't good with crying so I walked away. I was almost knocked down by a paramedic on my way into the lobby. I thought about telling her to watch where she was going but that didn't seem like a nice thing to say to a paramedic. She was only trying to help. Her partner ran behind her wheeling one of those wheeled stretchers, gurneys I think they're called.
I wandered outside to get some fresh air to help my headache. There were police officers everywhere, questioning witnesses and trying to calm people down. One man just kept shouting something and pointing at the bank. I recognized him as my manager. He was pretty upset so I decided to avoid him. I would walk home and take a nap. I could call in sick later, tell them the shock was too much for me. I wasn't a hero. I was just a bank teller. I would make sure they knew I hadn't vomited though. Hero or not, I've got a reputation to maintain.
I got home with very little trouble. There was a big yellow school bus parked across from my house, which was strange. I hate when things are out of place like that. There wasn't anyone on it, including a driver. There was always a driver inside school buses, even when there weren't any children. I shrugged and went inside the house. I needed to take a nap, or at least take something for my headache.
The phone was ringing. It was supposed to go to voicemail after a few rings but didn't. Who was calling me this time of day anyhow?
Oh hello would you like to buy a subscription to our magazine? I assure you it's quite good. Yes I know print just isn't what it used to be.
And then the operator would start crying. He was definitely not a hero at his job. Maybe today is his first day. Then he can cry. Tomorrow he'll come in, resolved never to cry on the job again. He would sit at his desk and call a stranger's house and demand they buy a subscription to the best damned magazine in the world.
No, I wouldn't be picking up the phone today. I don't need anyone else crying at work. What if I got him fired?
The phone was still ringing. I walked over and picked up the receiver, then left it next to the phone on the small table.
"Hello, this is George with Infographics Incorporated would you like to buy a subscription?"
I don't know what an infographic is, George. I'm sorry.
I didn't pick the phone up, though, so he probably didn't hear me.
"Hello?"
Hello.
I stared at the phone for a moment before going upstairs. I could still hearing poor George greeting the empty room as I went. How awkward for him.
In the bathroom I looked for a bottle of aspirin. My headache was getting worse. Where was it? Why was my headache so bad? I tossed old bottles of antibiotic creams and boxes of cough drops behind me like they do in the cartoons. Some landed in the bathtub. I would find them later and laugh, I'm sure. Remember when my headache was so bad I was just throwing things behind me like they do in the cartoons? Hilarious. Witty. Charming, they would say. I don't know who they are, but whoever they were, they felt I was witty and charming. We don't always get to meet our critics, even those who love us.
Where was the aspirin? The medicine cabinet seemed bigger than it had ever been. Was it infinite? Would I be sucked in like Alice and her looking glass? Don't be silly, I thought, the mirror is on the outside of the cabinet. I should have read that book. I probably would have passed freshman year English the first time around if I had. The next year they weren't teaching it.
Where was the aspirin? Why was my headache so bad? If only I could find the aspirin.
If only I could find the aspirin.
George was still asking the living room if anyone was there. No one was there. They were up here.
If only I could find the aspirin.
The morning at the bank was fairly stressful.
If only I could find the aspirin.
I wonder why they kept pointing at me.
If only I could find the aspirin.I hope they don't think I was kidnapped. I just went home.
If only I could find the aspirin.
What if they were trying to call my house looking for me? George needs to hang up and give someone else a chance.
If only I could find the aspirin.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
A Sunny Afternoon
Eleanor ran down the steps as fast as she could, practically falling down them. Today was Friday! Fridays meant she got to see Edgar, and any day she got to see Edgar was a good day.
The young girl skipped across the train platform to the other end where Edgar had promised to meet her. She glanced up at the display. It flashed five o'clock before flashing the next train's arrival. Three minutes until Edgar would be here! The display flashed again. Jan 1, 1939.
Eleanor, like most people, loved the weekend. Unlike most people, she loved the weekend because it meant that the station's display would be malfunctioning. Sometimes it broke in the middle of the week, but they would get an electrician to come by that very day to fix it. When it broke on a Friday, no one would be in to fix it until Monday morning. That gave her three whole days to see Edgar.
The strange old train came creaking along its tracks. Clack clack, clack clack, clack clack. It slowed to a halt and the engineer stuck his head out of the first car. The doors slid open and Eleanor could hear the driver announce the stop.
Eleanor moved out of the way as a rush of people exited the train, returning home from a long day at work or enjoying the sights of the city. A few bumped into her, but they paid the child no mind. They had their own children to get home to. Eleanor stood up on her tip-toes, seeking her friend. From the end of the train she heard someone calling her name.
"Eleanor! Oh Eleanor!" the voice said. Eleanor turned and saw Edgar dressed in his fine pinstripe suit and brown shoes. A gold pocket watch chain, the watch being a gift from his father he had told the girl, hung from his vest and sparkled in the late afternoon sun. The man waved to her, beaming. As he caught Eleanor's eye he held up a small bag, a box of chocolates sticking out.
Eleanor beamed back and ran down the platform into Edgar's open arms. He was a tall man so he had to kneel, but he didn't mind. Eleanor said he gave the best hugs. "And how are you today my dear?" he asked, holding her at arm's length.
Eleanor twirled around. "Mommy's bought me a new dress, isn't it beautiful?"
Edgar stood up and offered her his white-gloved hand. "It's absolutely stunning, your mother has wonderful taste. And speaking of taste, I brought chocolates from the city!"
Eleanor shouted a hurray and took Edgar's hand. They walked over to an empty bench and sat down. Edgar glanced up at the display. "Oh my, it seems we only have 8 minutes until the next train!" he said, popping open the box and offering it to the girl. "But don't worry, that is plenty time for friends!" he reassured her when she looked crestfallen.
"Did you have any adventures today, Edgar?" Eleanor asked. She loved hearing about the city. Her parents said she was too young to go.
"Well of course I did, every day's an adventure! Let's see, I took lunch down by the river, then the most dreadful woman came into the store but I sorted that out quite quickly." He bit into a chocolate pensively as he recalled his day. "And what about you little miss?"
"I had school today. It was all right I guess. We had a math test and Ms. Brown yelled at these two boys in the back for talking. They weren't allowed to go outside for recess," Eleanor said. She rubbed her bare arms.
"Oh, but you must be freezing in this weather! January is not the month to be outside without your coat! Here, take mine." Edgar slipped his coat off and put it over Eleanor's shoulders. She giggled as it enveloped her.
"Well it quite a lovely day when I left the house," she replied crossly. She stuck her tongue out at Edgar before taking another chocolate. She swung her feet back and forth as she ate. She suddenly looked up at Edgar. "Where do you go?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. Eleanor thought he looked like a dog whenever he did that, but she was too polite to say so.
"When I go up the stairs, I walk down the street and up the stairs and into my house. Where do you go when you go up the stairs?"
"Well, I suppose I do the same, although I don't live around here. Well, not in the same era as you do," he explained.
"What does 'ara' mean?" Eleanor pulled the coat close around her.
"It's pronounced 'era', it means the time period."
"Oh," she said, still swinging her feet. She frowned. "People should say what they mean."
"I quite agree." He glanced up at the display again. "Oh gosh, the next train will be here any minute, I really must be going."
"Jane will be awfully worried about you if you're not home on time!" she said. She hopped off the bench and smoothed her dress out.
"I'm sure a half-eaten box of chocolates will make it up to her!" He and Eleanor shared a laugh. Edgar took the girl's hand and led her back up the stairs to the exit.
"Well, this is goodbye, at least until tomorrow," he said, turning to Eleanor. He held out his right hand and Eleanor shook it firmly. She handed his coat back to him. He put it back on and tipped the edge of his cap. "Have a lovely evening. Say hello to your parents for me." He kissed Eleanor on the forehead and walked through the turnstile. A chilly gust of wind blew into Eleanor's face, forcing her to close her eyes. When she opened them, Edgar was gone. She wiped the chocolate from her mouth on the back of her hand and walked through the turnstile as well.
Eleanor skipped along the sidewalk to her house, enjoying the sunny afternoon. An old man was coming her way, wearing an old suit and a yellow bow tie. A gold watch chain hung from his vest, sparkling in the sun.
"Good afternoon young lady!" he said as he walked by.
"Good afternoon to you, too!" she said, smiling. She skipped on, humming tunelessly.
The man smiled and shook his head before walking slowly on down the block.
The young girl skipped across the train platform to the other end where Edgar had promised to meet her. She glanced up at the display. It flashed five o'clock before flashing the next train's arrival. Three minutes until Edgar would be here! The display flashed again. Jan 1, 1939.
Eleanor, like most people, loved the weekend. Unlike most people, she loved the weekend because it meant that the station's display would be malfunctioning. Sometimes it broke in the middle of the week, but they would get an electrician to come by that very day to fix it. When it broke on a Friday, no one would be in to fix it until Monday morning. That gave her three whole days to see Edgar.
The strange old train came creaking along its tracks. Clack clack, clack clack, clack clack. It slowed to a halt and the engineer stuck his head out of the first car. The doors slid open and Eleanor could hear the driver announce the stop.
Eleanor moved out of the way as a rush of people exited the train, returning home from a long day at work or enjoying the sights of the city. A few bumped into her, but they paid the child no mind. They had their own children to get home to. Eleanor stood up on her tip-toes, seeking her friend. From the end of the train she heard someone calling her name.
"Eleanor! Oh Eleanor!" the voice said. Eleanor turned and saw Edgar dressed in his fine pinstripe suit and brown shoes. A gold pocket watch chain, the watch being a gift from his father he had told the girl, hung from his vest and sparkled in the late afternoon sun. The man waved to her, beaming. As he caught Eleanor's eye he held up a small bag, a box of chocolates sticking out.
Eleanor beamed back and ran down the platform into Edgar's open arms. He was a tall man so he had to kneel, but he didn't mind. Eleanor said he gave the best hugs. "And how are you today my dear?" he asked, holding her at arm's length.
Eleanor twirled around. "Mommy's bought me a new dress, isn't it beautiful?"
Edgar stood up and offered her his white-gloved hand. "It's absolutely stunning, your mother has wonderful taste. And speaking of taste, I brought chocolates from the city!"
Eleanor shouted a hurray and took Edgar's hand. They walked over to an empty bench and sat down. Edgar glanced up at the display. "Oh my, it seems we only have 8 minutes until the next train!" he said, popping open the box and offering it to the girl. "But don't worry, that is plenty time for friends!" he reassured her when she looked crestfallen.
"Did you have any adventures today, Edgar?" Eleanor asked. She loved hearing about the city. Her parents said she was too young to go.
"Well of course I did, every day's an adventure! Let's see, I took lunch down by the river, then the most dreadful woman came into the store but I sorted that out quite quickly." He bit into a chocolate pensively as he recalled his day. "And what about you little miss?"
"I had school today. It was all right I guess. We had a math test and Ms. Brown yelled at these two boys in the back for talking. They weren't allowed to go outside for recess," Eleanor said. She rubbed her bare arms.
"Oh, but you must be freezing in this weather! January is not the month to be outside without your coat! Here, take mine." Edgar slipped his coat off and put it over Eleanor's shoulders. She giggled as it enveloped her.
"Well it quite a lovely day when I left the house," she replied crossly. She stuck her tongue out at Edgar before taking another chocolate. She swung her feet back and forth as she ate. She suddenly looked up at Edgar. "Where do you go?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. Eleanor thought he looked like a dog whenever he did that, but she was too polite to say so.
"When I go up the stairs, I walk down the street and up the stairs and into my house. Where do you go when you go up the stairs?"
"Well, I suppose I do the same, although I don't live around here. Well, not in the same era as you do," he explained.
"What does 'ara' mean?" Eleanor pulled the coat close around her.
"It's pronounced 'era', it means the time period."
"Oh," she said, still swinging her feet. She frowned. "People should say what they mean."
"I quite agree." He glanced up at the display again. "Oh gosh, the next train will be here any minute, I really must be going."
"Jane will be awfully worried about you if you're not home on time!" she said. She hopped off the bench and smoothed her dress out.
"I'm sure a half-eaten box of chocolates will make it up to her!" He and Eleanor shared a laugh. Edgar took the girl's hand and led her back up the stairs to the exit.
"Well, this is goodbye, at least until tomorrow," he said, turning to Eleanor. He held out his right hand and Eleanor shook it firmly. She handed his coat back to him. He put it back on and tipped the edge of his cap. "Have a lovely evening. Say hello to your parents for me." He kissed Eleanor on the forehead and walked through the turnstile. A chilly gust of wind blew into Eleanor's face, forcing her to close her eyes. When she opened them, Edgar was gone. She wiped the chocolate from her mouth on the back of her hand and walked through the turnstile as well.
Eleanor skipped along the sidewalk to her house, enjoying the sunny afternoon. An old man was coming her way, wearing an old suit and a yellow bow tie. A gold watch chain hung from his vest, sparkling in the sun.
"Good afternoon young lady!" he said as he walked by.
"Good afternoon to you, too!" she said, smiling. She skipped on, humming tunelessly.
The man smiled and shook his head before walking slowly on down the block.
Doors Open On The Right
Greg touched his fare card against the turnstile sensor. It took a moment to register, but eventually it dinged in acceptance and Greg walked through. He trudged down the ramp to the train platform in no particular hurry. He looked up at the display to check the time. The next train was due in two minutes. It flashed again, displaying the date. Jan 1, 2099.
Greg shrugged. The display was always malfunctioning. Last week it read Jan 1, 1899. A man in a full suit and top hat had asked him the time before tipping the hat and wandering on. It had been a strange day.
A few feet from where Greg stood, a woman sitting on the bench bent down to adjust a knob on her leg. She clicked it to the left three places and her whole leg began to vibrate.
"Ooh, not again!" the woman cried, smacking her thigh. The leg stopped vibrating. She glanced at Greg and blushed.
Behind her, a small robot zipped around the train platform picking up trash muttering, "Careless, careless, careless, careless" before tossing the trash onto the tracks. It was also malfunctioning; it should not have been able to speak.
The display flashed once more, showing the train was due. As it came around the corner, the sitting woman stood up and grabbed her purse. She ruffle her hair and the color shifted from a dark brown to a brilliant green. She brushed a few strands out of her face and blue streaked through the green.
The train came speeding around the corner, a magnificent white machine, with "From Here To There!" painted in red along the side. It glided soundlessly on its single rail, a model of efficiency for the modern commuter. "This is Clark and Lake," a calm woman's voice announced.
But Greg did not notice the details of this glorious new train. He did not notice the pretty girl's hair, or her bionic leg. He did not notice her shy smile when it had malfunctioned, nor did he pay any attention to the messy little robot spewing trash onto the rails. Greg stepped off the platform and fell onto the tracks. He landed just as the train was slowing to a halt, but it did not make a difference.
"Doors open on the right at Clark and Lake," could still be heard above the screams.
Greg shrugged. The display was always malfunctioning. Last week it read Jan 1, 1899. A man in a full suit and top hat had asked him the time before tipping the hat and wandering on. It had been a strange day.
A few feet from where Greg stood, a woman sitting on the bench bent down to adjust a knob on her leg. She clicked it to the left three places and her whole leg began to vibrate.
"Ooh, not again!" the woman cried, smacking her thigh. The leg stopped vibrating. She glanced at Greg and blushed.
Behind her, a small robot zipped around the train platform picking up trash muttering, "Careless, careless, careless, careless" before tossing the trash onto the tracks. It was also malfunctioning; it should not have been able to speak.
The display flashed once more, showing the train was due. As it came around the corner, the sitting woman stood up and grabbed her purse. She ruffle her hair and the color shifted from a dark brown to a brilliant green. She brushed a few strands out of her face and blue streaked through the green.
The train came speeding around the corner, a magnificent white machine, with "From Here To There!" painted in red along the side. It glided soundlessly on its single rail, a model of efficiency for the modern commuter. "This is Clark and Lake," a calm woman's voice announced.
But Greg did not notice the details of this glorious new train. He did not notice the pretty girl's hair, or her bionic leg. He did not notice her shy smile when it had malfunctioned, nor did he pay any attention to the messy little robot spewing trash onto the rails. Greg stepped off the platform and fell onto the tracks. He landed just as the train was slowing to a halt, but it did not make a difference.
"Doors open on the right at Clark and Lake," could still be heard above the screams.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Lead-Lined Life
I have a room in the Fortress of Solitude that no one knows about.
It's a small room with lead-lined walls. There's nothing in there but a
chair, but it's all I need. It's lined with lead because it means I
can't see out. It means that I can't see all the pain and suffering I
failed to stop. It means I can't see people hurting themselves in ways I
can't save them from. A second for me is eternity for you. I
could stay in there for years and when I emerge? Nothing will have
changed except how you hurt each other. There are days I wish I had a
lead-lined life.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Going Bananas
While I was watching Disney's Tarzan, I realized that some of this movie encompasses various worries about dating. Here are a few:
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Pokemonday and Tuesday
I decided to watch the first 8 Pokemon movies the other day. I've seen the first four, but I don't remember them that well. They're fun, and I loved the Pokemon show, as well as the card game. These are my summaries of those movies. I'll watch the second 4 at some point, but after the 4th movie I really stop knowing what any Pokemon is.
Mewtwo Strikes Back: An evil corporation clones one of the most adorable and silly Pokemon in the world, gives it an unimaginative name and only teaches it to hate. Ash is turned to stone, everyone cries at him and he's turned back, and no one ever talks about it ever again.
Pokemon The Movie: 2000: In which Ash saves the world, gets scolded by his mum, then goes back to winning badges because that is his purpose and everything else is a side quest. Slowking could use pants.
The Spell of the Unknown: In which a little girl gets Batman'd, gains psychic Pokemon, and Ash almost loses because all he has are Basic Pokemon. He is then saved by his only evolved Pokemon, who usually hates him.
Pokemon 4Ever: Celebi- Voice of the Forest: In which the title is super long and unnecessary and a boy with a terrible haircut is almost in the plot of The Adventurers Down Under but then time travels to avoid that. A Pokemon hunter figures out how to infuse harmful moral decisions into a Pokeball and instead of selling the technology off for millions continues to hunt Pokemon in a giant four-legged robot. After going through the tunnel from Spirited Away, Ash and his friends end up in Hayao Miyazaki's "Princess Mononoke". Professor Oak never tells anyone that he traveled through time once and Ash tells Past Oak to invent a Pokedex.
Mewtwo Strikes Back: An evil corporation clones one of the most adorable and silly Pokemon in the world, gives it an unimaginative name and only teaches it to hate. Ash is turned to stone, everyone cries at him and he's turned back, and no one ever talks about it ever again.
Pokemon The Movie: 2000: In which Ash saves the world, gets scolded by his mum, then goes back to winning badges because that is his purpose and everything else is a side quest. Slowking could use pants.
The Spell of the Unknown: In which a little girl gets Batman'd, gains psychic Pokemon, and Ash almost loses because all he has are Basic Pokemon. He is then saved by his only evolved Pokemon, who usually hates him.
Pokemon 4Ever: Celebi- Voice of the Forest: In which the title is super long and unnecessary and a boy with a terrible haircut is almost in the plot of The Adventurers Down Under but then time travels to avoid that. A Pokemon hunter figures out how to infuse harmful moral decisions into a Pokeball and instead of selling the technology off for millions continues to hunt Pokemon in a giant four-legged robot. After going through the tunnel from Spirited Away, Ash and his friends end up in Hayao Miyazaki's "Princess Mononoke". Professor Oak never tells anyone that he traveled through time once and Ash tells Past Oak to invent a Pokedex.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
A Fight To Remember
But the winner, hands down, takes place in chapter 20 of The Legacy, a 1992 book, seventh in my dark elf series. Drizzt and Artemis Entreri, his arch-nemesis, the person he fears he might have become had he stayed in his homeland, stand on a flat ledge on the side of a mountain and finally get to the battle that's been building for three books. The fight itself is ten pages of non-stop action, not a break, not a side story to be seen. I think I wrote it in one sitting, never coming up for air. I watched it in my head while my fingers played on the keyboard. I could hardly keep up. The fight itself is very clean, with few props outside the two scimitars, the sword and the dagger. This is the purest dance of my two best dancers. Ever since I wrote that battle, I try to measure every new fight against it. I always just give a resigned sigh, because I can't quite get there. Ah well.
-R.A. Salvatore, How to Write A Damn Good Fight Scene
I'm still working through Salvatore's series, I've read through four and have started volume I over again, and I must say it's among my favorite. His fight scenes are indeed incredibly vivid and while sometimes I don't quite understand a description or two, the rest of the scene more than makes up for it. I don't mean to review the series, but after reading this part of the article I can't wait to get to that book, because ten pages of a fight scene sounds amazing for this series. Ten pages!
-R.A. Salvatore, How to Write A Damn Good Fight Scene
I'm still working through Salvatore's series, I've read through four and have started volume I over again, and I must say it's among my favorite. His fight scenes are indeed incredibly vivid and while sometimes I don't quite understand a description or two, the rest of the scene more than makes up for it. I don't mean to review the series, but after reading this part of the article I can't wait to get to that book, because ten pages of a fight scene sounds amazing for this series. Ten pages!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Back In the Day
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| Fuckin' mopeds. |
Anyway, I got this shot and realized I don't remember the last time I saw a payphone that wasn't in an airport. I've seen a couple of booths for them, but the phone is long gone.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Hypochondriasis Anyone?
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Sharing is Caring Pt. II
In a fun roundabout way I'm playing off her whole Care Bears thing and to my credit I was going to share this even before I saw A Softer World at the bottom.
Anyway, I thought that she had some great points. Check out the rest of her blog too.
http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/02/our-weird-love.html
Anyway, I thought that she had some great points. Check out the rest of her blog too.
http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/02/our-weird-love.html
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The Perfect Crime
From a conversation of mine:
"What you do is get a tattoo that says,
'I will never approve of you because of my own short-comings -Mr. Her Dad'
and then show it to her dad. He won't be able to figure out if he's angrier about the implications of the tattoo or the fact that you got such a mean thing permanently on your body so his brain will fry and he'll be a vegetable. No one expects to be assassinated with emotions."
"What you do is get a tattoo that says,
'I will never approve of you because of my own short-comings -Mr. Her Dad'
and then show it to her dad. He won't be able to figure out if he's angrier about the implications of the tattoo or the fact that you got such a mean thing permanently on your body so his brain will fry and he'll be a vegetable. No one expects to be assassinated with emotions."
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| Did this for a photocomic and now it's on my arm for a while. Fuck. |
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Day 8: Can't Stay Up Late
This isn't really a journal so much as just documented follow-up. I think I'm still working out the end of this experiment. As some of you dear readers might have read, it did not go so well when I tried to stay up late enough to get on the track I wanted. You'll notice I skipped day seven and that's because nothing important happened yesterday. I'm sort of where I want to be at this point, I just have to get my habits accustom to this new schedule. Normally I'd leave all the stuff I want to do until later that day because I know I have the time, now I do whatever it is, like checking comics and blogs and what-have-you in the morning before class.
Last night I went to bed at 10 pm because I just could not stay awake. I think I'm very slowly moving up to where I'd like to be, as I said, but I think it will take the rest of this week to really get settled. Hopefully tonight I'll make it til 11 pm, or even midnight. The reason I need to get my habits lined up with my schedule is because tomorrow I don't have class so I could sleep all day and stay up all night but not only can I not do that physically, I don't really want to. I have to be up by 8:45 more or less on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the back and forth of sleeping in is what caused this realignment in the first place. It's a bit of a shame because my roommate can stay up for the most part and it's nice to hang out with him but I think in the long run going to bed at midnight every day, even when I don't have class the next day, is a good practice. I don't know what's going to happen come weekends because I do not look forward to getting up at 8 am on a Saturday (I woke up at 5 am today feeling okay but managed to fall back asleep for two hours). The trouble with getting up early on weekends is the opposite reason for resetting myself; everyone is sleeping in!
Last night I went to bed at 10 pm because I just could not stay awake. I think I'm very slowly moving up to where I'd like to be, as I said, but I think it will take the rest of this week to really get settled. Hopefully tonight I'll make it til 11 pm, or even midnight. The reason I need to get my habits lined up with my schedule is because tomorrow I don't have class so I could sleep all day and stay up all night but not only can I not do that physically, I don't really want to. I have to be up by 8:45 more or less on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the back and forth of sleeping in is what caused this realignment in the first place. It's a bit of a shame because my roommate can stay up for the most part and it's nice to hang out with him but I think in the long run going to bed at midnight every day, even when I don't have class the next day, is a good practice. I don't know what's going to happen come weekends because I do not look forward to getting up at 8 am on a Saturday (I woke up at 5 am today feeling okay but managed to fall back asleep for two hours). The trouble with getting up early on weekends is the opposite reason for resetting myself; everyone is sleeping in!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Day 6: Pick Up Sticks
5:37 pm
Well this day has certainly gone better than I expected! I spent quite a lot of this morning playing Skyrim. Before that I watched Nemesis Game, which wasn't very good, but kind of scary because they kept me thinking something was going to pop out and be scary but instead it was just disappointed. It had some good riddles though, so that was cool. It was a bad idea to watch it before the sun came up though, for obvious reasons so like an idiot I walked through my house turning on all the lights as I went.
It's almost six and I feel pretty good, so hopefully I can make it another six before I crash. The stretch it going to be the next four because I'm not going back to school until 10 pm. That means I probably won't pack until 8:30, or let's be realistic, 9:15. I have to fill these hours or get tired. Maybe I'll fight crime.
11:53 am
Pick up sticks? Ugh, fuckin' more like picking up the tattered remains of my life. Just kidding mostly. As I said yesterday, I'm bulldozing the end of this project by going to bed within the next half hour. I have been up for 20 hours and I can definitely feel it. I started to fall asleep around 8 pm tonight so I made dinner and started to rewatch About Schmidt. It's a really great movie but really depressing because of how real-to-life it is. I love slice of life movies, but they are not movies that will keep you awake. Eating helped and then I rushed around the house packing. The fact that I had to be ready to leave and move back in to school around 9 pm helped keep me up a bit but at this point I'm comfy in my bed and really tired. I don't have to be up until 11 am tomorrow so I'm hoping that I'll sleep for 11 hours or so and balance shit out.
I feel like a time traveler. My body doesn't know when day and night is at this point. Last night when I got tired at 6 pm and fell asleep, it could have been any time of the night because it was dark and I was tired. I had to keep telling myself that it was the beginning of the evening and not the middle of the night because judging by my body's state, it could have been 5 am.
If there was a font for how I was feeling right now, it would be face down on the floor not moving.
I chose the worst time to back up my computer. Only 170 GB left! I could leave my computer on and let it finish but I don't want to leave it on the rest of the night for half an hour's worth of backup.
12:12 am
This is awesome I hope I don't die.
12:15 am
That'd be terrible if I died and they found my computer laying next to me with that on it. That would put the fear of Gd into people! Pew pew!
12:17 am
Okay, I feel less... manic now. Reading through Day Four's journal, I think I need to edit this stuff a lot because I explained some things in the wrong way and just for general errors. Maybe tomorrow after my only class I will start editing this week's work.
12:33 am
I feel like if I were to ever become a serial killer it would be when I was sleep deprived. That's more of a projected guess than a warning because I'd instantly apologize like everything else right now.
12:35 am
I'd feel devastated if my penis just broke off one day. Something that has devastated me, however, is that someone took the strawberry poptart out of the condom jar in the hall way.
I have to go to bed. This is hopefully the end of the sleep experiment please I hope it's over. I'll do a follow-up tomorrow sometime but in terms of getting on track this is more or less it.
Well this day has certainly gone better than I expected! I spent quite a lot of this morning playing Skyrim. Before that I watched Nemesis Game, which wasn't very good, but kind of scary because they kept me thinking something was going to pop out and be scary but instead it was just disappointed. It had some good riddles though, so that was cool. It was a bad idea to watch it before the sun came up though, for obvious reasons so like an idiot I walked through my house turning on all the lights as I went.
It's almost six and I feel pretty good, so hopefully I can make it another six before I crash. The stretch it going to be the next four because I'm not going back to school until 10 pm. That means I probably won't pack until 8:30, or let's be realistic, 9:15. I have to fill these hours or get tired. Maybe I'll fight crime.
11:53 am
Pick up sticks? Ugh, fuckin' more like picking up the tattered remains of my life. Just kidding mostly. As I said yesterday, I'm bulldozing the end of this project by going to bed within the next half hour. I have been up for 20 hours and I can definitely feel it. I started to fall asleep around 8 pm tonight so I made dinner and started to rewatch About Schmidt. It's a really great movie but really depressing because of how real-to-life it is. I love slice of life movies, but they are not movies that will keep you awake. Eating helped and then I rushed around the house packing. The fact that I had to be ready to leave and move back in to school around 9 pm helped keep me up a bit but at this point I'm comfy in my bed and really tired. I don't have to be up until 11 am tomorrow so I'm hoping that I'll sleep for 11 hours or so and balance shit out.
I feel like a time traveler. My body doesn't know when day and night is at this point. Last night when I got tired at 6 pm and fell asleep, it could have been any time of the night because it was dark and I was tired. I had to keep telling myself that it was the beginning of the evening and not the middle of the night because judging by my body's state, it could have been 5 am.
If there was a font for how I was feeling right now, it would be face down on the floor not moving.
I chose the worst time to back up my computer. Only 170 GB left! I could leave my computer on and let it finish but I don't want to leave it on the rest of the night for half an hour's worth of backup.
12:12 am
This is awesome I hope I don't die.
12:15 am
That'd be terrible if I died and they found my computer laying next to me with that on it. That would put the fear of Gd into people! Pew pew!
12:17 am
Okay, I feel less... manic now. Reading through Day Four's journal, I think I need to edit this stuff a lot because I explained some things in the wrong way and just for general errors. Maybe tomorrow after my only class I will start editing this week's work.
12:33 am
I feel like if I were to ever become a serial killer it would be when I was sleep deprived. That's more of a projected guess than a warning because I'd instantly apologize like everything else right now.
12:35 am
I'd feel devastated if my penis just broke off one day. Something that has devastated me, however, is that someone took the strawberry poptart out of the condom jar in the hall way.
I have to go to bed. This is hopefully the end of the sleep experiment please I hope it's over. I'll do a follow-up tomorrow sometime but in terms of getting on track this is more or less it.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Day 5: Over The Hill
1:55 am
Well I was right, I don't like waking up this late. Sometimes if I'm really tired I'll take a nap around 11 pm and then wake up between 1 am and 4 am, at which point my sleep schedule is all wonky. This is not the case this time at least, since I got my 9 hours and was supposed to be asleep, not crashing in the middle of the evening. One thing I've noticed though is that when I wake up midway through the "night" and check my clock to see how much longer I have to sleep, I get annoyed. I woke up in the dark, looked at the clock to see it said 10:20 pm and said, "Oh fuck me" and went back to sleep. For some reason this past week my instant reaction to seeing that I have to keep sleeping has been a source of annoyance.
I realized what I need to do is instead of just taking 12 hours away to see what time it is normally (as I did yesterday), I have to map it against a regular day by itself. For instance, I woke up at 1 am today, that's really 9 am according to the schedule I'm working toward.
One point of interest I've noticed is how my lifestyle permeates what time I want it to be. For instance, it's technically 10 am for me, I should get some breakfast. At the same time, however, I know it's 2 am and because of my regular hours I would think nothing of grabbing dinner at this hour. That's not helping me transition very well though, because I certainly would not want to eat a whole chicken for breakfast. On the other hand I've noticed that I'm more awake when I've woken up lately. Maybe, again, it's the whole, "I'm awake in the middle of the day, I should jump up and get my day started!" thing. Even if I'm a little tired lately, I have a lot of energy when I first wake up compared to waking up in the mornings. I know for a fact that I'm not a morning person because if I get 9-10 hours of sleep and wake up at noon versus 9 in the morning, I have much more energy when I wake up in the former. That's partially what's attributed to me staying up so late in the first place; I just naturally gravitate towards the later hours. I'm hoping that if I have breakfast I can fool myself into thinking that it's really the morning. Real morning, not 2 in the morning. One thing I can say is nice about this schedule right now is that I get the sunrise and sunset without waking up at 6 am every day, my earliest classes don't start until 9:30 am.
12:37 pm
I'm thinking about cutting this experiment down a couple of days. I'm not giving up by any means, but it goes into Monday and I don't want to be messing around the first day of the semester. Instead, I might try and stay up "later" tonight by a couple of hours. The general schedule has been "sleep 9, awake 15", but I might bump up the hours awake. I can't do too many more because otherwise I'll have to sleep in and this will all be for naught. I'm supposed to go to bed at 7 pm tonight, but if possible I'm going to try and ride it out until 10, jumping to tomorrow's schedule a day early. It's only three hours more, but it's also six more than yesterday. We'll see what happens. Maybe the madness will return and I'll just blow up.
3:41 am
Well this was a terrible idea. I couldn't keep my eyes open around 6 pm (was scheduled for 7) so I decided to go to sleep. My first plan was to go to bed at 7 and sleep until 5, making it 10 hours but bringing me closer to waking up at 9 am, the purpose to this whole thing.
Where am I now? I fell asleep an hour early and am now awake half an hour too early. I'm not quite fucked yet because I still have a day or two to fix this, but tomorrow I'm going to really have to stay up if this is going to work. Half an hour obviously isn't too bad, but I was hoping to sleep until 5, not 3:30. I'm hoping the stuff I have to do today, clean my room and pack to go back to school, will keep me awake until midnight tonight. I know that six hours in one day is going to be reeeally difficult, but I'm seeing some friends tonight and hopefully that will keep me awake. I might nap later today, but even when I'm on a regular schedule I hate naps. I might have to, on the other hand, purely because otherwise I'm going to be going to bed at 9 pm or something and I'm moving back to school at 10 pm. Yes, you probably see the problem here.
7:35 am
Oh well, I guess I'm up for the day. I'll just have to stay busy and see if I can't make the jump to sleeping around midnight tonight. This ought to be an interesting day!
Well I was right, I don't like waking up this late. Sometimes if I'm really tired I'll take a nap around 11 pm and then wake up between 1 am and 4 am, at which point my sleep schedule is all wonky. This is not the case this time at least, since I got my 9 hours and was supposed to be asleep, not crashing in the middle of the evening. One thing I've noticed though is that when I wake up midway through the "night" and check my clock to see how much longer I have to sleep, I get annoyed. I woke up in the dark, looked at the clock to see it said 10:20 pm and said, "Oh fuck me" and went back to sleep. For some reason this past week my instant reaction to seeing that I have to keep sleeping has been a source of annoyance.
I realized what I need to do is instead of just taking 12 hours away to see what time it is normally (as I did yesterday), I have to map it against a regular day by itself. For instance, I woke up at 1 am today, that's really 9 am according to the schedule I'm working toward.
One point of interest I've noticed is how my lifestyle permeates what time I want it to be. For instance, it's technically 10 am for me, I should get some breakfast. At the same time, however, I know it's 2 am and because of my regular hours I would think nothing of grabbing dinner at this hour. That's not helping me transition very well though, because I certainly would not want to eat a whole chicken for breakfast. On the other hand I've noticed that I'm more awake when I've woken up lately. Maybe, again, it's the whole, "I'm awake in the middle of the day, I should jump up and get my day started!" thing. Even if I'm a little tired lately, I have a lot of energy when I first wake up compared to waking up in the mornings. I know for a fact that I'm not a morning person because if I get 9-10 hours of sleep and wake up at noon versus 9 in the morning, I have much more energy when I wake up in the former. That's partially what's attributed to me staying up so late in the first place; I just naturally gravitate towards the later hours. I'm hoping that if I have breakfast I can fool myself into thinking that it's really the morning. Real morning, not 2 in the morning. One thing I can say is nice about this schedule right now is that I get the sunrise and sunset without waking up at 6 am every day, my earliest classes don't start until 9:30 am.
12:37 pm
I'm thinking about cutting this experiment down a couple of days. I'm not giving up by any means, but it goes into Monday and I don't want to be messing around the first day of the semester. Instead, I might try and stay up "later" tonight by a couple of hours. The general schedule has been "sleep 9, awake 15", but I might bump up the hours awake. I can't do too many more because otherwise I'll have to sleep in and this will all be for naught. I'm supposed to go to bed at 7 pm tonight, but if possible I'm going to try and ride it out until 10, jumping to tomorrow's schedule a day early. It's only three hours more, but it's also six more than yesterday. We'll see what happens. Maybe the madness will return and I'll just blow up.
3:41 am
Well this was a terrible idea. I couldn't keep my eyes open around 6 pm (was scheduled for 7) so I decided to go to sleep. My first plan was to go to bed at 7 and sleep until 5, making it 10 hours but bringing me closer to waking up at 9 am, the purpose to this whole thing.
Where am I now? I fell asleep an hour early and am now awake half an hour too early. I'm not quite fucked yet because I still have a day or two to fix this, but tomorrow I'm going to really have to stay up if this is going to work. Half an hour obviously isn't too bad, but I was hoping to sleep until 5, not 3:30. I'm hoping the stuff I have to do today, clean my room and pack to go back to school, will keep me awake until midnight tonight. I know that six hours in one day is going to be reeeally difficult, but I'm seeing some friends tonight and hopefully that will keep me awake. I might nap later today, but even when I'm on a regular schedule I hate naps. I might have to, on the other hand, purely because otherwise I'm going to be going to bed at 9 pm or something and I'm moving back to school at 10 pm. Yes, you probably see the problem here.
7:35 am
Oh well, I guess I'm up for the day. I'll just have to stay busy and see if I can't make the jump to sleeping around midnight tonight. This ought to be an interesting day!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Day Four: In Which I Begin My Madness
11:50 pm
So I decided to try something new today: I want to match my current schedule with a schedule I'd prefer to be on. Right now, as mentioned last night, I'm about 12 hours away from where I want to be. I woke up at 10 pm instead of 9 pm so I technically "slept in" an hour. Meals are all messed up because I'm awake at 10 pm, my body wants dinner and to jump-start my day because I know that the rest of the world has started its day. And the evening. And the night. I find it interesting that even though I've changed my cycle to where I am now, I still subconsciously know that it's night time. Obviously the sun is set and everything, but my body's cycle isn't different, I'm just awake and asleep at a different time.
I think that if I were to do this clock change again (maybe over the summer if necessary) I would do each change longer and probably with less jump. For this schedule I've been adding three hours every night, which is more than I add when I stay up more and more each night. The days that I could go from going to bed at 7 am and then going to bed at 1 pm, I was doing something that kept me awake. Last winter break I was making things out of Sculpy the whole night while watching about 8 Simon Pegg movies back to back. This time I'm attempting to run my normal schedule and adding hours willy-nilly. I believe this was a bit of a mistake. It's working out, mind you, but tomorrow I'm going to bed at 4 pm and I don't know how that is going to effect me. I'm interested to see the turning point though. Rather, when does it become late enough to go to bed? 4 pm is late in the afternoon, then 7 pm is too early in the evening. Maybe 10 pm or 11 pm is the turning point, because going to bed at 9 pm making me feel like a child. Anyway, as I said, I would probably do each shift longer, so instead of three hours added every day, add three hours and then do that for two or three days before adding more to let my body get used to it.
1:42 am
It's technically almost 2 in the afternoon for me and I don't know where my "morning" went. I woke up at 10, showered, tried to fix my dad's headphones (while cutting weeds I snipped through my dad's Bose headphones I was wearing. You read that right), made...breakfast? Lunch? It was "noon" but I'd only been up for two hours. I don't know if I should just let my mind slip into the illusion of the 12 hours change or continue to compare the two. It's kind of like when daylight savings ends or begins and everyone keeps saying that it's technically "whatever" time of day it is, forward or back. Either way it's quarter to two and I need food. I've technically been up for four hours and I haven't done much but little management things, which I suppose is what I'd do if up at 10 am anyway.
The part that really causes this separation for me is that while at home on the computer, I am able to slip into the illusion that I'm on the other side of the clock. Unfortunately I have things to do that cause me to interact with the outside world while still on this schedule. Today is the best (and really the only) example I have of this. At noon tomorrow I'm going to UIC to return some books from last semester and I have to be home by 4 pm to get to bed. Considering this from the flip side, that's like saying I'm going to UIC at midnight to return some books and I have to be home by 4 am. This is where it gets tricky. Looking at my schedule from the flip side, it makes no sense because it's crossing the Thursday/Friday threshold. Here's how I just explained it to a friend:
As of right now I'm technically 12 hours away from where I want to be in terms of awake/sleep, but it's not that I'm behind, I'm ahead. It's 2 am, but to me it's really like 2 pm if I were normal. Because I cross from Thursday to Friday but will be awake in a 12 hours difference and it's still Friday when I go to bed, it means my body thinks it's 2 pm *Thursday* afternoon, not Friday because in real-people time it's Thursday night, not Friday morning right now.
It's 2 am Friday the 6th, but according to my sleep schedule and my mindset, it's 2 pm Thursday afternoon, not Friday afternoon. I was under the impression that I was jumping 12 hours into Friday because Friday, but I realize now that I went forward, not back. This is particularly frightening because while I could just pretend it was Friday and not Thursday and go live somewhere in India (more or less), there is nowhere in the world that it is currently 2 pm Thursday. It doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but to me it's 2 pm Thursday afternoon and the sun is down. If I don't think about it too hard it's not that bad, but when I do put it all in perspective, I feel like I'm lost in time. I could laugh and say that I could call someone in Asia and they'd be awake, but let's say that I decided to shift my whole life to exist at 2 pm Thursday the 5th, no where else in the world is like that ( I don't think, I'm pretty sure). While it's not really 2 pm Thursday the 5th and I'm in the middle of the night transitioning to sleeping at midnight like a normal person, that means my body is technically a day behind, and I feel like I've lost something...somewhere. This doesn't matter too much because there's no real "end", but I feel like if say the world was going to end the 10th, I would have only gotten to the 9th and I feel I've lost something there.
Honestly if I think about all this too hard, it's pretty fucked up.
4:07 am
I always like to make a note of my 12-hour mark. I have 12 hours until I go to bed. I always like to try an project my mind out into the next stretch to imagine the amount of information, important or otherwise, that I'll be taking in. For instance in 4 hours once the city starts to wake up and start its day, there's a guy coming to check the oven because it hasn't been working correctly. Then at noon I'm heading over to UIC to return some books, as I've mentioned. That requires a walk, a bus ride, a train ride, seeing people around the campus, and then doing it all backwards and coming home, then sleeping. 12 hours until sleep!
6:00 am
I'm not sure where I stand at this point. The reason I started all this was because I can't turn my clock back comfortably enough so I decided to stay up later and later until I've gone all the way around. Instead, I've put myself 12 hours off from where I want to be and started moving back.
I've convinced myself that it's 6 pm Thursday evening and I'll be going to bed 4 am Friday morning (instead of 6 am and going to bed at 4 pm). The reason I don't know where I'm going is because after today that all gets messed up. Today is the only day that thinking in terms of a 12-hour clock works. Tomorrow if I try that I'd be thinking I was going to bed at 7 am and waking up at 4 pm. That's the opposite of what I want to do. After that I would think I was going to bed at 10 am and sleeping until 7 pm. By the time I get to the end I would think that I was going to bed at noon and sleeping until 9 pm. The trouble is that I've already done that; that's how I got here. The point I suppose I'm trying to make is that if I don't get out of this "just switch it 12 hours back!" mindset I don't know what will happen. Obviously it won't kill me, but I feel like I will be very confused until I got used to the new schedule. It's not a huge deal, but I thought that I had it all figured out for the rest of the week, instead it turns out pretending is only giving me the illusion of being back on the schedule I'm trying to escape.
1:20 pm
Man, if I thought being awake at "noon" with the sun down was weird, it's technically the middle of the night for me with the sun up! I like it though. I've spent a lot of this break awake at night and while I like it, it's almost like a whole change of scenery. It's so much more alive. The light's coming in through the windows, which makes me feel less secluded. Maybe it's because I can see the outside world and not just across the street. There are more people awake, which is nice too. I only have a couple more hours to go. I find it easier to stay up through the day and then sleep in the afternoon than stay up through the night when I don't really want to. I know sunlight helps you wake up, UV light tells your brain to rock out with its cock out. It's strange to think that this is the middle of my night and that I'll be going to bed in a few hours. With winter and all the sun will be going down as I go to bed, which means I got a sunrise and a sunset and a good 12 hours of sunlight to my brain. Even if I'm not outside taking it in, psychologically it feels good to see the day.
3:36 pm
Well I'm wrapping everything up. I'm going to just hang out for half an hour watching stuff on Youtube and then I'll head to bed. I've been finding that when I've been going to bed during the day I'm perfectly willing to just hang out until bedtime compared to the night or early morning when the last hour or two is a real stretch and a fight to stay awake. I could probably stay up a couple hours, akin to staying up to 3 in the morning on a regular schedule, but then I just have to make up for it tomorrow and I don't really want to deviate from my current plan. Plus, the later I go to bed in the afternoon, the later I wake up later tonight. I'm not too keen on waking up at 1 am, since I've spent all day awake, waking up in the middle of the night as everyone's going to bed sounds depressing. Is that how people see my habits?
So I decided to try something new today: I want to match my current schedule with a schedule I'd prefer to be on. Right now, as mentioned last night, I'm about 12 hours away from where I want to be. I woke up at 10 pm instead of 9 pm so I technically "slept in" an hour. Meals are all messed up because I'm awake at 10 pm, my body wants dinner and to jump-start my day because I know that the rest of the world has started its day. And the evening. And the night. I find it interesting that even though I've changed my cycle to where I am now, I still subconsciously know that it's night time. Obviously the sun is set and everything, but my body's cycle isn't different, I'm just awake and asleep at a different time.
I think that if I were to do this clock change again (maybe over the summer if necessary) I would do each change longer and probably with less jump. For this schedule I've been adding three hours every night, which is more than I add when I stay up more and more each night. The days that I could go from going to bed at 7 am and then going to bed at 1 pm, I was doing something that kept me awake. Last winter break I was making things out of Sculpy the whole night while watching about 8 Simon Pegg movies back to back. This time I'm attempting to run my normal schedule and adding hours willy-nilly. I believe this was a bit of a mistake. It's working out, mind you, but tomorrow I'm going to bed at 4 pm and I don't know how that is going to effect me. I'm interested to see the turning point though. Rather, when does it become late enough to go to bed? 4 pm is late in the afternoon, then 7 pm is too early in the evening. Maybe 10 pm or 11 pm is the turning point, because going to bed at 9 pm making me feel like a child. Anyway, as I said, I would probably do each shift longer, so instead of three hours added every day, add three hours and then do that for two or three days before adding more to let my body get used to it.
1:42 am
It's technically almost 2 in the afternoon for me and I don't know where my "morning" went. I woke up at 10, showered, tried to fix my dad's headphones (while cutting weeds I snipped through my dad's Bose headphones I was wearing. You read that right), made...breakfast? Lunch? It was "noon" but I'd only been up for two hours. I don't know if I should just let my mind slip into the illusion of the 12 hours change or continue to compare the two. It's kind of like when daylight savings ends or begins and everyone keeps saying that it's technically "whatever" time of day it is, forward or back. Either way it's quarter to two and I need food. I've technically been up for four hours and I haven't done much but little management things, which I suppose is what I'd do if up at 10 am anyway.
The part that really causes this separation for me is that while at home on the computer, I am able to slip into the illusion that I'm on the other side of the clock. Unfortunately I have things to do that cause me to interact with the outside world while still on this schedule. Today is the best (and really the only) example I have of this. At noon tomorrow I'm going to UIC to return some books from last semester and I have to be home by 4 pm to get to bed. Considering this from the flip side, that's like saying I'm going to UIC at midnight to return some books and I have to be home by 4 am. This is where it gets tricky. Looking at my schedule from the flip side, it makes no sense because it's crossing the Thursday/Friday threshold. Here's how I just explained it to a friend:
As of right now I'm technically 12 hours away from where I want to be in terms of awake/sleep, but it's not that I'm behind, I'm ahead. It's 2 am, but to me it's really like 2 pm if I were normal. Because I cross from Thursday to Friday but will be awake in a 12 hours difference and it's still Friday when I go to bed, it means my body thinks it's 2 pm *Thursday* afternoon, not Friday because in real-people time it's Thursday night, not Friday morning right now.
It's 2 am Friday the 6th, but according to my sleep schedule and my mindset, it's 2 pm Thursday afternoon, not Friday afternoon. I was under the impression that I was jumping 12 hours into Friday because Friday, but I realize now that I went forward, not back. This is particularly frightening because while I could just pretend it was Friday and not Thursday and go live somewhere in India (more or less), there is nowhere in the world that it is currently 2 pm Thursday. It doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but to me it's 2 pm Thursday afternoon and the sun is down. If I don't think about it too hard it's not that bad, but when I do put it all in perspective, I feel like I'm lost in time. I could laugh and say that I could call someone in Asia and they'd be awake, but let's say that I decided to shift my whole life to exist at 2 pm Thursday the 5th, no where else in the world is like that ( I don't think, I'm pretty sure). While it's not really 2 pm Thursday the 5th and I'm in the middle of the night transitioning to sleeping at midnight like a normal person, that means my body is technically a day behind, and I feel like I've lost something...somewhere. This doesn't matter too much because there's no real "end", but I feel like if say the world was going to end the 10th, I would have only gotten to the 9th and I feel I've lost something there.
Honestly if I think about all this too hard, it's pretty fucked up.
4:07 am
I always like to make a note of my 12-hour mark. I have 12 hours until I go to bed. I always like to try an project my mind out into the next stretch to imagine the amount of information, important or otherwise, that I'll be taking in. For instance in 4 hours once the city starts to wake up and start its day, there's a guy coming to check the oven because it hasn't been working correctly. Then at noon I'm heading over to UIC to return some books, as I've mentioned. That requires a walk, a bus ride, a train ride, seeing people around the campus, and then doing it all backwards and coming home, then sleeping. 12 hours until sleep!
6:00 am
I'm not sure where I stand at this point. The reason I started all this was because I can't turn my clock back comfortably enough so I decided to stay up later and later until I've gone all the way around. Instead, I've put myself 12 hours off from where I want to be and started moving back.
I've convinced myself that it's 6 pm Thursday evening and I'll be going to bed 4 am Friday morning (instead of 6 am and going to bed at 4 pm). The reason I don't know where I'm going is because after today that all gets messed up. Today is the only day that thinking in terms of a 12-hour clock works. Tomorrow if I try that I'd be thinking I was going to bed at 7 am and waking up at 4 pm. That's the opposite of what I want to do. After that I would think I was going to bed at 10 am and sleeping until 7 pm. By the time I get to the end I would think that I was going to bed at noon and sleeping until 9 pm. The trouble is that I've already done that; that's how I got here. The point I suppose I'm trying to make is that if I don't get out of this "just switch it 12 hours back!" mindset I don't know what will happen. Obviously it won't kill me, but I feel like I will be very confused until I got used to the new schedule. It's not a huge deal, but I thought that I had it all figured out for the rest of the week, instead it turns out pretending is only giving me the illusion of being back on the schedule I'm trying to escape.
1:20 pm
Man, if I thought being awake at "noon" with the sun down was weird, it's technically the middle of the night for me with the sun up! I like it though. I've spent a lot of this break awake at night and while I like it, it's almost like a whole change of scenery. It's so much more alive. The light's coming in through the windows, which makes me feel less secluded. Maybe it's because I can see the outside world and not just across the street. There are more people awake, which is nice too. I only have a couple more hours to go. I find it easier to stay up through the day and then sleep in the afternoon than stay up through the night when I don't really want to. I know sunlight helps you wake up, UV light tells your brain to rock out with its cock out. It's strange to think that this is the middle of my night and that I'll be going to bed in a few hours. With winter and all the sun will be going down as I go to bed, which means I got a sunrise and a sunset and a good 12 hours of sunlight to my brain. Even if I'm not outside taking it in, psychologically it feels good to see the day.
3:36 pm
Well I'm wrapping everything up. I'm going to just hang out for half an hour watching stuff on Youtube and then I'll head to bed. I've been finding that when I've been going to bed during the day I'm perfectly willing to just hang out until bedtime compared to the night or early morning when the last hour or two is a real stretch and a fight to stay awake. I could probably stay up a couple hours, akin to staying up to 3 in the morning on a regular schedule, but then I just have to make up for it tomorrow and I don't really want to deviate from my current plan. Plus, the later I go to bed in the afternoon, the later I wake up later tonight. I'm not too keen on waking up at 1 am, since I've spent all day awake, waking up in the middle of the night as everyone's going to bed sounds depressing. Is that how people see my habits?
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Day 3: Party Like A Rockstar
7:09 pm
I'm pretty sure I've weeded out my body's true cycle. I woke up at 4 pm feeling pretty good, so I have a feeling that 7am-4pm is when my body thinks it should be sleeping. Well body, I'm afraid I'm here to change that!
I hate waking up in the dark. If anything is going to screw me up, it's that. Last winter break I completely messed myself up by going to bed around around 9 or 10 and waking up between 6 and 7. Obviously that's what I'm doing now, but I'm only passing through. Last winter I got stuck in this schedule and I always woke up so tired. I don't know that much about it, but spending a whole winter break getting 5 minutes of sunlight a day did not make my body nor my brain very pleased. At least I'm only doing this for a day. Tomorrow is going to have some interesting effects because I'm awake from 7 pm to 1 pm tomorrow. I don't really look forward to that, nor do I look forward to sleeping until 10 pm. I am however completely fine with being up from 10 pm until 4 pm the next day. I have some stuff to get done and that's when I'm going to do it, but I think the prospect of being up for practically a whole day, until 4 pm! Gosh!
Looking at this schedule reminds me of taking the train system around Chicago. You might pass stations you don't need to get off at or go farther than you'd like because you have to transfer to another train to go back the way you came but then it curves and goes where you need. Honestly I still don't know why this schedule works, but I know it does and so I trust myself from the past to have done everything correctly. I think today or tomorrow is the peak of messing myself up. This schedule is definitely an example of things having to get worse before they get better. Looking at my calendar I don't consciously understand why I'm going to bed at 4 pm, but then I remind myself that I'm going around the 24-hour clock to get back to normal. On paper this all seems normal but now that I'm here it seems pretty goofy. But if it works I'll be happy!
I believe the reason I'm confused is because I'm thinking, why does going to bed at 7 pm help me at all? That's staying up pretty late the next day, which is what I'm trying to stop. Then I have to remind myself I've gone forward into the next day on purpose and that everything's alright. This is what I was worried about when I started this. I'm hoping once I'm going to bed at midnight or 1 am like a regular person I'll adapt and understand. If not, I'm going to be constantly thinking that I've stayed up too late and will never know what day it is. Well, we'll see what happens, I still have...ohfuckme...five days left. Party like a rockstar I suppose.
7:33 pm (It's really weird to be labeling this "pm" after last night's journal.)
Just thought I'd share this comic with you all, I found it amusing:
http://www.amazingsuperpowers.com/2012/01/decaf/
11:03 pm
So I'm watching videos of pranks on youtube and as most of you know, at the end it gives you related videos.
I decided to click on it and it's a clip from what looks like a Spanish soap opera. I don't know what it's doing there, but it was weird.
7:40 am
I find it interesting that instead of seeing the effects this schedule is having on me, I'm just hanging out like always. I guess at the end it might be interesting to map out my days and compare the hours to see what time of the day is most like others. The only trouble with that is because it's winter break, waking up at 7 pm is about the same as waking up at 7 am. Oh well.
Anyway, I've written about goofy Craigslist adventures before but after a couple weeks the links became defunct so I won't bother linking to it. I will, however like to this Cracked article! At least now I don't seem like a crazy person for looking at Craigslist (#1 in the article). I always find Craigslist interesting just to see the type of people on there, what they're looking for, and how they ask for it, as well as which taglines catch my attention enough to click on them. Like this woman! Obviously that woman is older, but I always feel kind of sad when I see people in my age group (between 20 and 24) on Craigslist, especially when they're looking for long-term relationships or their "soul mate" (a surprising number are). I'm 20. I can't imagine looking for a real relationship on something as sketchy as this, or even online. But if it works I suppose more power to them.
Oh man, this girl too, goofy.
Alright, it looks like I'm going to be on here a while:
-- This girl isn't too strange, but I have to be completely honest here, I clicked on her ad because I thought it said, "What to live in a Sub?" I suppose that tells you something about me?
A couple of months ago someone posted this to Twitter from Reddit and I found it really interesting, check it out.
-- Not going to lie, this is pretty amusing.
--It's not because of your weight, but yes. You are wrong because you are looking on Craigslist.
-- People who don't own levels need not apply.
--I've been on here for 15 minutes, I really should go be more productive with my life. But at least it's not like last time where I had a paper due the next day.
8:36 am
Well I've moved on to Cracked, which is definitely more intellectually stimulating. While you're here, check out John Cheese, my favorite writer for Cracked.
So I was thinking a bit more about my schedule and while it's not perfect, I think today is definitely the peak of my schedule, it's about 12 hours off from where I want to be. That's pretty cool to me for some reason.
11:41 am
One interesting thing I've noticed about this experiment or what-have-you is that I'm always really tired the last two or so hours of every day. I think it's because of the 3 hour push-jump, but I can't be sure. All I know is that the past couple of nights it's been a bit of a struggle to stay awake. It hasn't been as bad as times I've woken up with too little sleep and had to fight for consciousness, but I'm still pretty tired. I must say, I'm enjoying the amount of sunlight I'm seeing... There's so much light blue, I haven't see it in a while! It's strange, on one hand I want to go to bed, but on the other I actually feel like I'm going to miss the sunlight. I don't think my body knows what to do at this point. Probably should just go out and have copious amounts of sex.
I'm pretty sure I've weeded out my body's true cycle. I woke up at 4 pm feeling pretty good, so I have a feeling that 7am-4pm is when my body thinks it should be sleeping. Well body, I'm afraid I'm here to change that!
I hate waking up in the dark. If anything is going to screw me up, it's that. Last winter break I completely messed myself up by going to bed around around 9 or 10 and waking up between 6 and 7. Obviously that's what I'm doing now, but I'm only passing through. Last winter I got stuck in this schedule and I always woke up so tired. I don't know that much about it, but spending a whole winter break getting 5 minutes of sunlight a day did not make my body nor my brain very pleased. At least I'm only doing this for a day. Tomorrow is going to have some interesting effects because I'm awake from 7 pm to 1 pm tomorrow. I don't really look forward to that, nor do I look forward to sleeping until 10 pm. I am however completely fine with being up from 10 pm until 4 pm the next day. I have some stuff to get done and that's when I'm going to do it, but I think the prospect of being up for practically a whole day, until 4 pm! Gosh!
Looking at this schedule reminds me of taking the train system around Chicago. You might pass stations you don't need to get off at or go farther than you'd like because you have to transfer to another train to go back the way you came but then it curves and goes where you need. Honestly I still don't know why this schedule works, but I know it does and so I trust myself from the past to have done everything correctly. I think today or tomorrow is the peak of messing myself up. This schedule is definitely an example of things having to get worse before they get better. Looking at my calendar I don't consciously understand why I'm going to bed at 4 pm, but then I remind myself that I'm going around the 24-hour clock to get back to normal. On paper this all seems normal but now that I'm here it seems pretty goofy. But if it works I'll be happy!
I believe the reason I'm confused is because I'm thinking, why does going to bed at 7 pm help me at all? That's staying up pretty late the next day, which is what I'm trying to stop. Then I have to remind myself I've gone forward into the next day on purpose and that everything's alright. This is what I was worried about when I started this. I'm hoping once I'm going to bed at midnight or 1 am like a regular person I'll adapt and understand. If not, I'm going to be constantly thinking that I've stayed up too late and will never know what day it is. Well, we'll see what happens, I still have...ohfuckme...five days left. Party like a rockstar I suppose.
7:33 pm (It's really weird to be labeling this "pm" after last night's journal.)
Just thought I'd share this comic with you all, I found it amusing:
http://www.amazingsuperpowers.com/2012/01/decaf/
11:03 pm
So I'm watching videos of pranks on youtube and as most of you know, at the end it gives you related videos.
 |
| Uuuuuh.... |
7:40 am
I find it interesting that instead of seeing the effects this schedule is having on me, I'm just hanging out like always. I guess at the end it might be interesting to map out my days and compare the hours to see what time of the day is most like others. The only trouble with that is because it's winter break, waking up at 7 pm is about the same as waking up at 7 am. Oh well.
Anyway, I've written about goofy Craigslist adventures before but after a couple weeks the links became defunct so I won't bother linking to it. I will, however like to this Cracked article! At least now I don't seem like a crazy person for looking at Craigslist (#1 in the article). I always find Craigslist interesting just to see the type of people on there, what they're looking for, and how they ask for it, as well as which taglines catch my attention enough to click on them. Like this woman! Obviously that woman is older, but I always feel kind of sad when I see people in my age group (between 20 and 24) on Craigslist, especially when they're looking for long-term relationships or their "soul mate" (a surprising number are). I'm 20. I can't imagine looking for a real relationship on something as sketchy as this, or even online. But if it works I suppose more power to them.
Oh man, this girl too, goofy.
Alright, it looks like I'm going to be on here a while:
-- This girl isn't too strange, but I have to be completely honest here, I clicked on her ad because I thought it said, "What to live in a Sub?" I suppose that tells you something about me?
A couple of months ago someone posted this to Twitter from Reddit and I found it really interesting, check it out.
-- Not going to lie, this is pretty amusing.
--It's not because of your weight, but yes. You are wrong because you are looking on Craigslist.
-- People who don't own levels need not apply.
--I've been on here for 15 minutes, I really should go be more productive with my life. But at least it's not like last time where I had a paper due the next day.
8:36 am
Well I've moved on to Cracked, which is definitely more intellectually stimulating. While you're here, check out John Cheese, my favorite writer for Cracked.
So I was thinking a bit more about my schedule and while it's not perfect, I think today is definitely the peak of my schedule, it's about 12 hours off from where I want to be. That's pretty cool to me for some reason.
11:41 am
One interesting thing I've noticed about this experiment or what-have-you is that I'm always really tired the last two or so hours of every day. I think it's because of the 3 hour push-jump, but I can't be sure. All I know is that the past couple of nights it's been a bit of a struggle to stay awake. It hasn't been as bad as times I've woken up with too little sleep and had to fight for consciousness, but I'm still pretty tired. I must say, I'm enjoying the amount of sunlight I'm seeing... There's so much light blue, I haven't see it in a while! It's strange, on one hand I want to go to bed, but on the other I actually feel like I'm going to miss the sunlight. I don't think my body knows what to do at this point. Probably should just go out and have copious amounts of sex.
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