Taking no other sacrifice than your time.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

And So It Begins

            "YAAAAAWN…" Arthur moaned, stretching and rolling out of bed. He stumbled across the large, yet single person, dorm room to the window and pushed it open. Arthur leaned his head out the window. Nothing like a deep breath to jump-start the body… thought Arthur.
 He looked up at the sky. It was going to be one of those days. It wasn’t sunny enough out to be cheerful, but it wasn’t gloomy enough to rain. Either end would have been satisfactory, but it was neither, so Arthur was just going to have to accept that. The trees were beginning to turn all the wonderful shades of red and yellow, it being the middle of October and all. Maybe today I’ll sit under a tree and be decorated in autumn’s death… He didn’t know where he came up with stuff like that, but he thought it sounded good.
           
            Arthur looked down at the flower box hooked onto the windowsill. The plants didn’t look unhealthy, but he could sense their unhappiness with being confined to a box when there was a whole world to explore. You and me both little ones… Arthur took another deep breath, but this time he let it out as a heavy sigh. Across the room, Arthur’s black and white barn cat’s ears perked up at the sound of exasperation. Arthur turned to look at the cat. “Doh… Sorry Bucky, I didn’t mean to wake you!” Grabbing a couple of catnip leaves from one of the box plants, Arthur crossed the room and sat down on the bed. He set the leaves down and began scratching Bucky’s now turned over belly. “We really are perfect for each other, aren’t we…?” Arthur muttered to no one in particular.

            There wasn’t anything too extraordinary about Arthur’s past. Yes, his parents passed away when he was about thirteen, but there was no dark origin story to his present. Sad, but nothing cloak-and-dagger. Arthur’s father was a linguistics professor at the nearby college and his mother was a columnist and cartoonist for the paper. When Arthur was about nine, a publisher signed his mother on to write and draw for children’s books, and his father got promoted to division head. The family did quite well for the next four years.

            While Arthur’s mother was on tour for her new book, Keep the Cape but Please Put Pants On, her plane crashed before even getting out of the airport when another plane was also given clearance for takeoff and both collided. In the span of half an hour his mother went from being a living breathing person with a family to a statistic on some safety technician’s pie chart. That winter his father decided to go on sabbatical in Switzerland to do research on language development in more secluded countries. Arthur knew it was just to get away from the memories. Arthur had been staying with his neighbors when he got the call. His father had gone missing while skiing. It wasn’t uncommon to hit areas of light snow and fall in. Most people aren’t found, and Arthur’s father was one of them. Maybe this was how his dad got the promotion in the first place. Arthur became a ward of the state, but he asked to be put in a boarding school. He didn’t want to be in a home of unwanted and orphaned children. He wanted his own identity. He didn’t know if he could afford it, but supposedly there was a lot of money in children’s books. “At least until you graduate college, maybe longer if you’re careful,” is what the lawyer had told him. This wasn’t some kind of wizard bullshit. His parents became numbers and memories and a dollar amount in a bank account with his name on it.

            That’s how Arthur ended up at Magnus Boarding School, Home of the Magnus Minotaurs. Arthur didn’t quite understand why a half-breed creature trapped in a maze would give a damn about soccer and football, but they had never lost, so he supposed they knew enough about the rules. That was three years ago. Arthur had never left the school since then, including holidays and breaks. Where would he go anyway? His grandparents were in a home, and his aunt and uncle traveled all the time. They were the ones who brought him Bucky. They showed up unannounced on Visiting Day with animal carrier in hand.
“You ever consider owning a pet Arty?” His uncle asked Arthur’s fifteen-year-old self.
“I suppose… I mean, I know a few girls have rabbits, but that just seems silly,” he had replied.
“Well how about something a little more playful? A…kitten perhaps?” His uncle had said, popping open the carrier. Peering inside, Arthur discovered the dozing feline. It looked perfectly normal, not too skinny, not too fat, and it was purring softly. “…We met a lovely couple with a farm in Italy whose cat had just had kittens. Naturally we thought of you and they thought it had been long enough to separate them,” he went on, trying to gauge Arthur’s interest. The kitten woke up a bit and stared up at this young stranger. Arthur stared back. The kitten looked intelligent enough. Why not? It would be nice to have company. He didn’t like sharing a room because his last roommate pushed his potted plants off the windowsill from their fourth floor dorm after an argument about a stolen action figure.
“I’d love it!” Arthur said, hoping he sounded enthusiastic. He didn’t want his aunt and uncle asking the standard, “Are you alright?”

 “Hmm...? Oh, hey Manny… Yeah, just lost in thought. How’d you get in?”
“Left the door unlocked again, mate,” Manny said. Manny was from Birmingham, England because his father got a new job and had to relocate.
“Oh. Want to go grab breakfast?” Arthur responded, rising from the bed and walking to the dresser.
“ Yeah, alright.” Manny walked over play with Bucky while Arthur got ready in the bathroom.



 “Feisty, aren’t you?” Manny asked, removing his finger from the cat’s mouth.
“ Only around you,” Arthur said, giving Manny a wry look. “C’mon, let’s go.”

            Groggily sitting over a plate of eggs and toast, Arthur watched his friend devour two omelettes and four strips of bacon. He didn’t know where he stored it, but he knew Manny would be hungry again in two hours regardless.
“So… Think you’ll do… you know… today?” Manny said, looking up from his food for the first time in fifteen minutes.
“Magic?” Arthur said, looking at Manny wryly for the second time that day. It was a good look to give Manny, though Arthur was a bit sarcastic by nature anyway.
“Don’t make fun of me…  What you can do is weird, and you know it,” Manny retorted, getting defensive.
“Well yeah… Of course it’s weird, but it’s not like I can just not be able to because ‘it’s weird’…” Arthur replied.
“I guess what really bothers me is that you have a goddamn superpower and don’t do more with it than keep really healthy plants!” getting a bit loud.
Will you keep it down?” hissed Arthur, leaning across the table. “I don’t need that getting around any more than you need Sarah Towtly to know you’ve liked her for two years!”


 “It’s a secret that you don’t want getting out because it might get back to the wrong people!”
“So you use a crush as an example? Seriously?"
"I dunno... It was the best example I could think of..."
Manny scowled. "For Pete’s sake, create a secret identity or something! Do something cool with it for once!” still getting louder.
Will you shut the hell up?! People are starting to stare!” Arthur whispered angrily.
All I’m saying is think about it! You can create plant life from absolutely nothing and what’s the most adventurous thing you’ve done since you could control it?” Manny replied, finally getting quieter, though not by much.
“Grow marigolds in the snow…” Arthur said, blushing.
“Exactly. What about that journal of yours? You have, what, at least fifty different types of ferns alone written down?” Manny said, his voice showing true concern. “Just have fun for once.”
“So what, I should put on some green tights and prance around stopping robberies in town? I’m sure that would go well. ‘Human Flower Found Shot Dead in Alley, Scientists Baffled’ splashed across the front page in every newspaper in the universe…”
“First of all, I doubt they’ll deliver The Times to Mars. But what about opening up a store or something? You’d have the best stock around,” Manny leaned back in his chair, relaxed. Arthur had at calmed down a bit.
“I have a hard enough time managing school work, and I'm sure that someone will wonder why there's never a delivery truck around the store. Or how a seventeen year old boy was able to start his own shop.”
“True... Alright, well at least think about it. What’s the worst that could happen?” Manny asked, shrugging.
“What’s the worst that could happen indeed…” Arthur murmured.

Friday, November 19, 2010

You've Gotten Scum All Over My Internet...

  I promise this time was actually a bit more legit. ish. I was reading Penny Arcade, who made a joke with rape in the context, who in turn responded to angry people with a comic. But that's not what this is about, they have more than enough responses. Anyway, Penny Arcade linked to one particular blogger, and I was reading her stuff, and then later on she mentions how there's a lot of trafficking for underage women in the Adult section of Craigslist. I have a bit of a superhero complex, save the people! and all that, so I went to check it out, figured I might spend half an hour having a flagging-marathon (I guess you could say I have no life, but I was supposed to be working on an essay, so it's totally okay. Right? Guys?), but unless they moved it, they've taken it down. Which is good, as long as it's not been moved somewhere else with internet code for trafficking, because I don't 5p3ak 7h3 best internet (though that's probably more than 40% of my readers so go me). Anyway, once again shirking my duties I decided to grab some Craigslist links, figuring I shouldn't waste the trip for nothing. Enjoy:

 http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/act/2062785820.html
  So this is a nice one. He was 27 when this happened. And he couldn't tell that the girl was more or less 10 years younger than him. I will give him that it can be hard to tell the difference between 17-19 year old, you probably couldn't tell me apart from my 18 year old self (a month ago), so at least he's got that going for him. On the other hand... people randomly hooking up with people ten years older than themselves, you'd think they'd do something to give it away. But yeah, he's sad. You should write him. You know, so he has your address and stuff.


http://chicago.craigslist.org/nwi/cas/2064292902.html
I almost don't know what to say to this one. "I want to cheat on my wife, so I thought I'd just broadcast to the world." This is a lot like Pina Coladas and I really hope that's how it ended up.


http://chicago.craigslist.org/nwi/cas/2064100901.html
[I just want to put this out there right now, I have nothing against homosexuals. That has nothing to do with why this is here. "Pffh, gay people on craigslist? What's next, women's rights?!" No, it's just another uber-sketchy thing I happened across.]
  Besides the fact that his boyfriend is in jail for gods-know-what, just the wonderful passing tidbit of... "oh yea i am hiv positive so you need to know now that thats out the way". JUST in case that's a problem.


http://chicago.craigslist.org/nwi/w4m/2059136827.html
I'm pretty sure that should say, "seeking someone to put my head firmly in the ground while my feet are in the clouds," but I see typos everywhere. I don't really know what the latter means, but knowing the amount of serial killers in Craigslist, I would say the first part works quite nicely.


I'm not going to directly link you, because I don't think her ranting, while it may have good points, needs any more views than it probably has.

I have yet to write my post about being a bad person.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Duh Duh Duh, Another One Bits the Dust

  Besides the most badass way to give CPR, though hopefully not a prediction, it's also a useful way to say goodbye to comics that are moved to Caught Ups for reasons that are not due to The Lull. Those are the saddest. It usually means the comic has stopped updating long enough to be considered dead and not worth loading based on the update schedule. Today we say goodbye to Mint Condition. It was an interesting comic, and I hope that it returns someday. I also hope that it didn't stop updating due to the author's wife, because that was the original reasoning and would be terrible...

  But as we live and die, so do comics. As someone that was not me and lived in the past said, probably more than once, "Out with the old, and in with the new!" Much like a hydra, as we say goodbye to one comic, six more have come to take its place! While I will miss each comic that is moved to Caught Ups, I enjoy finding new comics to read and become attached to. That being said, these new comics are reviewed and Comics Galore as a whole has been revised a bit, as I discovered that a month and a half old post was very poorly written and not impressive at all. That has hopefully been fixed, but feel free to point out gaping errors. Typos will be corrected at some point, but it's such a long piece, and updating over time, that it takes a lot of time, so I appreciate your patience. Feel free to make a short walk over to Comics Galore and take a gander! It's even free!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

It's Not Racism, I Swear!

  https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/
It's true, it's not. It asks you to associate some words with "self" and then some words with "others". I suppose Harvard is not very bright after all. Here are my results.

Science!

See? Nothing about racism. But I enjoyed my results. When it first asked me to associate myself with what the test considered "Cold" I actually laughed, because it's kind of true. Externally I seem like a really cold person, which is more of a defensive thing than anything else. On the other hand, I thought it was funny that it said I saw no association between extroversion and introversion. Anyway, this isn't really about me telling people that I swear I'm nice. I just thought it might be cool for people to see this. I'm pretty sure it's measuring how many mistakes you make when taking it, which isn't really a good measurement, but... whatever. I didn't make it, and it's not a world-wide thing, so oh well.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Extra! Extra! Nothing Really Too New!

  I sat down today thinking, "I'm going to draw!" So I gathered up a bunch of paper in the event of mistakes and grabbed my big ol' eraser, revved up and when... "Oh... I don't know what he looks like."
Well believe you me, that was quite the realization! I spent the next few hours (see: nine) working on a face. That's really the hard part of everything, the face. It holds almost all of the emotion the character will ever express for the rest of his unnatural born life. The body is useful for a lot of things, but most artists draw bodies the same way and the face is really what's different. Of course, that's true in real life as well. If everyone had the same face, you wouldn't really be able to tell the difference! Anyway, I've been working for quite some time on the face of the main character, and I think I've got him nailed down. I'm hoping to get the first update up by friday, but with my research paper moving along, time needs to be spent there more than here, most unfortunately. Anyway, I just thought I'd let everyone know that the main character has a face and thus more of a personality and I hope everyone likes him!


Not him, but enjoy anyway!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Post #20 (written before CTC)- Promises Promises

  I keep making all sorts of promises to myself. Tonight I'll get more sleep. Today I'll study more. Next week I'll start that paper earlier on.
Everyone makes these kinds of promises. They're like new years resolutions. I remember my psych teacher last year saying, "I came in to the gym today, and it was packed. All sorts of new people everywhere, it was awful. Completely unorganized. I asked the manager, 'What's going on? This is really annoying.' 'Ah, don't worry about it. January is our busiest time of the year. Give it two weeks, 75% of these people won't come back.'"

  I kind of feel like that with creative new ideas. "Ooh, I'm going to write about this and draw that and it will exciting and everyone will love it and everything will be so wonderful, by the gods my head just exploded from all the potential energy stored inside of it!" Well folks, this time I think, or at least hope, that I've hit the mark. I have about four pages written. You probably don't consider four pages to be a lot in comparison to say, a book, but think about it from a comic perspective. If I drew everything that happened in this comic and updated daily, say 8 panels a day like Dominic Deegan does, it would probably give me about two months, if not more, worth of updates, even if everything was predrawn before being uploaded. Also, books usually have been established and you sit down and say, "I'm going to read this book because it is a book and 250 pages is nothing!" No one gets online and goes, "I'm going to read this blog because it is a blog and 250 pages is nothing!" You tell someone you have 250 pages worth of blog posts and they'll probably assume you're a raving lunatic with an internet connection.

  If I release one page plus art every couple of days you wouldn't think anything of it. One page sound manageable, especially since Hyperbole and a Half said that you never want to hit your reader with a wall of text. Even thought it's formatted quite nicely like a book, four pages posted here would seem overwhelming because it's all continuous. Although, how many of you read the entirety of Comics Galore? Congratulations, you read seven and a half pages (to those of you copy and pasting into word, yes, I deleted the giant empty spaces between comics)! Chances are you wouldn't read that all the way through if I had posted it in bigger blocks without nice formatting. Also I'd like to point out that Cracked once mentioned this by saying that they can people to read 3,000 word articles by formatting it the way they do.

  The overarching point, and sorry for any digression, is that if it seems like things are going sort of slow, it's because I don't want to overload you with mass amounts of text. It also gives me time to keep writing because that takes time as well. With school, I only have so many hours to draw, which is really what probably takes the longest out of anything if I want it to be really good. It makes it feel more comicky rather than just a blog story as well as giving you time to digest the story instead of just trying to read it in one sitting and then everyone is done and we can all just go home. And if anyone knows anything about Variable Interval, it brings you back to my site more often (to anyone reading this in the future, if there are ads on my site, I wrote this pre-ads, so no, I'm not trying to randomly make mass amounts of money without work)! I like having readers because it also means you might read any in between posts, such as comic reviews (COMING SOON: Dead Winter, Tiny Ghosts, and Penny Arcade!!!) and interesting tidbits.

  So unlike most comic ideas I've had and/or started (Hiatus is almost always death for a webcomic. Veeery few come back from that- Thunt), I've started this story, I've put a lot of time and dedication into it, and I can promise you that I will try not to disappoint!
  -Happy Landings

Class-Time Comics

Click to Enlarge



Pow pow!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Building Comics One "Chopping Block" At a Time

  Everyone remembers where they were May 6th, 2009. It was a distressing day for all. Well, all who really cared. So me. I remember where i was May 6th, 2009. I was at my computer checking the mass amount of comics i had at the time (Pah! I think i was reading about 15 comics to the 39 i now read throughout the week. And to think i used to brag about how 15 was so many...). Click. Click. Click. Then, terror struck. Where was Chopping Block's update? "Hm. Maybe he's sick. That's saddening, but it's not the first time a webcomic's done that. I'll wait a day or two." So i came back to the site. Again, nothing. "Where was the update? He's a monday through friday comic, this is irregular!" A couple of weeks and no sign of an update...

  It was with a heavy heart that i did one of the few things that brings a sad disappointment to my day: i moved the comic to "Caught Ups". Now some of you are probably thinking, "pffh, so what? It's just a comic. Biiiiiiig deal!!!" Well when you spend as much time reading webcomics as i do, you start to grow attached to these characters and authors. Whether once a week or once a day, the author graces you with a view into their mind, and it's an absolutely wonderful feeling. The other thing to know is, "Caught Ups" is the back-alley hospital with direct-to-graveyard transport; AKA, where comics go to die. It probably doesn't put me in a very good light because that's also where i've stored the 8 comics that i considered hitting the Lull without hopes of coming back but didn't want to completely get rid of in case they do get better. That's where i kept LICD and looks where that's gone. For the most part, and the original meaning/use, that folder was for comics that either ended their storyline or just stopped updating, whether by notice or not. I've sort of digressed i feel...

  So anyway,  i've been reading a bit about Blind Ferret because the author of Goblins, Tarol Hunt/Thunt signed on with them. If my comicstory takes off as much as i'd like it to (maybe? please?), i might go about contacting them (do i have to capitalize my "i's" if they accept me?). I'm also writing a paper on newspaper comics going to the internet and so i was looking at Keenspot and i noticed they were hosting Chopping Block. "What's this? That's new, i could have swore he used to be self-hosted... Why would they pick him up if he's not updating? If they're anything like Blind Ferret that's incredibly unprofessional..." So I clicked over and... Lo and behold, Chopping Block has returned!!! It's only been updating since last monday, but hey, it has returned and is back to being updated monday through friday. The Aboot section warns you that it has bouts of hiatus, and apparently it's always been on Keenspot, so i suppose i'm just forgetful since that's not where i found the comic originally. So as with Least I Could Do, we welcome back Chopping Block to the Daily Checks!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Grammar? I hardly know 'ar!

  There's this thing I have about proper nouns. Who the hell said they deserve to be proper? What did I ever do to get capitalized? Nothing that I can recall important to warrant being larger than all the other words. I can totally understand why the beginning of sentences are capitalized, they got there first, they earned it. But think about it in context of language. Other languages don't capitalize "I". Hell, we don't capitalize "me" but it's the same thing as "I", just accusative. Countries are the same. What'd America ever do that was SOOOOO great that they deserved to get the reaction of, "Whoa, snap, there's America, right there in the sentence!"? Anyway, I'm just putting this out there as one of the few rants (I'm trying not to be that stereotypical rant blog by those 25 and under) and partially as a heads-up. I'm sure a lot of you will sit there in agony reading a post that says, "Today i traveled to england and it was a blast. I can't wait to travel to foreign countries again like france, germany, and spain!' Tough. Stories, such as my soon-to-be-released comicstory (either that or storycomic for the official title, BUT NOT WORTH CAPITALIZING) will be correctly formatted correctly because I want it to at least seem professional. Input blogs like this one or a review of a comic has a higher chance of not having proper nouns capitalized. Just a warning, because I figured I don't want to see like some punk off the street who can't write. I'm a punk off the street with weird ideals who can't write! Pow pow!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Brooooonk. Brooooooonk. Brooooonk.

This is the emergency broadcast system. Alert:
  So the second post on this blog was Webcomics Galore. In it I mentioned that I'd stopped reading Least I Could Do, and it's true. I haven't read it in about eight months. Buuut, when I wrote that review I went, hm, it has been a while, why not give it another go? So long story short, I read the past few weeks' comics, and I must say, the chaos and fun has returned! I feel ever comic has a lull in the story. Somewhere that the characters need to move the plot along and the way it is done is really hard to be made funny (gods that's an awful sentence, but there's no good way to say it).
 
  I will be honest, I didn't think LICD would return from that, but I suppose when you actually look at the comic as a whole, it was impossible for it not to. For one thing, it's a daily comic. Now say the comic only updated twice a week, the lull might not last as long because the comic might be based on bigger updates. E.g. LICD is a daily comic so it updates four panels a day, SMBC is daily, usually a couple of large panels a day, where as something like Goblins or Darken (yes, I acknowledge exceptions!!!) updates in a whole page or two about once or twice a week (Goblins is a Tuesday/Friday update, which wreaks havoc with my comic folder organization...).

  I don't want this to seem like there was some horrible drama going on or that the comic offended me, "The Lull" sounds a lot more ominous than it really should. Basically to those of you wondering what it was, some of the Noel and Kate got married. The proposal was cool, but it was extended over about a week or so, and the marriage took about two weeks I think. Now you're probably thinking, how hard is it to read a four-panel comic once a day? YOUR LIFE SOUNDS SO DIFFICULT. And then you realize you're yelling at a computer and are an embarrassment to your family. Way to go. But personally I just didn't like reading something I'd grown to love and then watch it get really boring. That probably makes me sound like an awful person, and I promise that doesn't extend to human relationships!

  Anyway, LICD covers less per update if you consider it that way. Four panels may convey a pun or a joke in one day but barely move the storyline along, where as Darken updates so irregularly that updates are usually quite large so the story is like BLAM! Anyway, the lull is over and it's back to being funny, so while I don't really have much credibility except to say that i read a bajillion webcomics, this is back to being added to my daily folder. So Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, Dominic Deegan, Accursed Dragon, Bug Comic, Drowtales, Surviving the World, and Scenes from a Multiverse, extend a warm hearty handshake in honor of the return of Least I Could Do!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Adventures on Craigslist

Technically you must be 18 to follow those links. Just saying.

So I was looking at hyperbole and a half and looking into advertising (i hit 200 page views about an hour ago! But I'd probably only really consider ads if my readership expanded past facebook friends) and then I was thinking about online dating for some reason...? Probably because of this thing in English and advertising... Long story. So I got to thinking about craigslist, and I decided to see how weird it got. It got pretty weird. Here are some of the most interesting ones:

http://chicago.craigslist.org/nch/w4m/2041413237.html
"I used to be jailbait and now that I'm old enough, I'm seeking someone who wants to pretend I am."

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/w4m/2041404442.html
I think she meant pothole, but maybe her child is going to be born mentally handicapped. Her life became a horror novel when she found out the torture dungeon was not for sexual purposes. Anyway that's an awful environment to raise a child in.


http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/w4m/2041143330.html
"I want to teach children that this is not how you write nor how you find men who aren't going to  murder you in an alley. Sometimes I repeat myself repeatedly. Sometimes I repeat myself repeatedly."

http://chicago.craigslist.org/nwc/w4m/2041387704.html
"Do dating exist?" is really the most important question of these crazy times. I'm holding back the, "this expansive picture depicts my nethers" but it appears I've gone and done it.

http://chicago.craigslist.org/nwi/w4m/2041282518.html
If you're looking for honesty and a sense of humor (though she sounds pretty serious), she's got it.

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/w4m/2041268853.html
She's 33 and has poor grammar. She's also probably the best catch on this website, which isn't saying anything. Except that everyone else is weird(er). I'm currently having my people build a robot that talks about personality as well as age and height. He's going to get all of the tail.

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/w4m/2041184515.html
"Edit: My preppy, handsome, professional dog is looking for a preppy, handsome, professional man." Who actually calls themselves preppy?!

So yeah, that was probably the most ridiculous procrastinating I've ever done since I have a lot of homework, but that's what tomorrow is for, right?!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Pen Palsy-Walsy

So I've signed up to be a penpal to an intercity 5th grader. For obvious reasons I'm not going to put his name on the interwebs. I think I'll just call him Bob. I mean, it doesn't really matter because I doubt I'll be talking about him that often anyway, so I could change his name and you'll go, wait, wasn't his name Bob? But by then you'll have to go back and find this post, and that's far too much trouble than to just assume you're forgetful and not good at anything but reading something you'll forget anyway.
So they want these letters to be "professional". What kind of kid wants a "professional" letter from some college fuck he's never met? 5th graders are what, between 10 and 11? I know for a fact that I would not want some guy who is practically twice my age sending me something that is like,
  Dear Mr. Green,
  How are you? I am a psychology major. That means I sit around and learn about how you think and process information.
Well, that is all I have to say,
Sincerely,
Mr. Older College Guy

What I would like to get is,
Dear Nathan,
  They want me to tell you about how exciting college is for me, but I doubt you care. I know they're reading these letters anyway to make sure I'm not a pedophile (now THAT is something to define for them) so I suppose I should tell you a few things. I'm a psychology major. I don't know what you're home life is like, but if you've seen a therapist that's basically it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it basically means that I can read your mind. That's right. When you go to college, you too can become psychic over time. It's really fantastic. Unfortunately I can't show you in a letter because you're reading this in the future and I can only read your present mind. Sorry. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying the fuck out of your 5th grade year, because someday you'll be old like I am and wonder if you ever did anything worthwhile 10 years ago. And you'll think, "No. No I have not." But then you could become an engineering major and make a time machine and portal back to as you read this letter and tell yourself to do more (of course I won't bother explaining time/space theories, this letter only needs to be a page) interesting things with your life. I have to get back to studying now, but I'm quite glad to make your acquaintance (if you don't know what that means, it means cybernetic brainwave manipulation, ask your teacher about it)!
Sincerely,
Captain Doctor Nathan Green

And all of my letters would be along those lines. And then maybe I'll draw him a picture. Maybe I'll send him letters that little be little degenerate until his mother finds him crying under his blanket and when his mother asks what is wrong he'll look up at her with big shiny eyes and go, everything is so beautiful.

Can You Picture That?

If any of you read Hyperbole and a Half the following might make a bit more sense.
  I'm going to start a story/comic mix. The way H&H does it is the picture is a supplement, it adds a visual effect to what you're reading. What I play to do is mix the two by writing a story that is told, for the most part, through text like a regular story. Where I differ from the run of the mill book or short story is that I'm going to integrate strips into the story that are part of the story itself like a sentence or paragraph in and of itself. For example,
  Nathan trudged down the street to the first bar he could find. He wasn't a tourist, no, that had never quite been his style. He wasn't going to open a pamphlet on the best bars to visit in Manhattan. He was an experiencer. He went places and saw the things the city tried to shy away from. He did not want to see the Statue of Liberty or go to a museum. He wanted to see people living everyday lives. He wanted to meet the regulars even if he wasn't one himself. He looked up to see where fate had brought him.
Stolen from Evil Enterprises without artist's permission.








 What a dump. But hey, you only live once, and this place looked like it made sure of that.

I feel dirty taking from the unpopular, but who's going to know?
 How does he know me? Nathan thought to himself. I've never been here before... I've never even been to New York before.
"Nathan, are you alright? Why don't you take your regular seat at the bar and Ear will get you your usual!" the cheerful host said leading him to the end of the bar.
I have a usual? Nathan eased himself onto the stool as if he expected it to devour him whole. Why anyone would sit down on something about to eat them is beyond anyone's knowledge.
"Evenin' Nathan," the barman grunted, setting down a wine glass filled with what appeared to be soda.
"Uh... Evening Earl.." Is that what he would say if he were a regular? Nathan thrust the words out of his mouth in an attempt to feel normal. Everything seemed normal except him. Was everything normal? The exterior of this place seemed on its last leg, yet here he was in what could easily be confused for one of the finest French restaurants in the country. He'd play along for now, see what happened. Worst case scenario it was all a joke. Maybe the concierge knew a fool when he saw one and phoned ahead.
  Nathan looked around the room. No phone.
" In a wine glass so you can feel fancy, just like you like it," Earl said eying the untouched wine glass.
" Er... Yeah, thanks. I couldn't remember if I left the stove on..." Nathan said attempting to keep his voice casual. Maybe if he acted strange enough the truth would reveal itself.
" Hah, what are you doing with a stove Mr. I-Eat-Everything-I-Catch-Live?" Earl said with a barking laugh. Everything in that statement, including the laugh, raised the hairs on the back of Nathan's neck.
" ...Experimenting. Thought maybe I'd try something new?" Whoever they think I am is stranger than anyone I could ever dream of. Aha! Maybe that's it! I must be dreaming! Of course! Come on Nathan, wake up! Wake up! 
"Sir! Sir, stop! What are you doing?! You'll hurt yourself, stop!" the host cried as he attempted to pull Nathan's head back from the bar, which he had taken to smashing his forehead again. The commotion had spilled the soda, getting all over poor Earl. I hope whoever I am remembered to bring his wallet to pay for any damages...
"Sir! Sir! Nathan! Stop this immediately!" Nathan sat up with a start, causing the host to stumble backwards and land uncomfortably into a booth. The voice was in and out of his head. It was like a throbbing in his left temple. In and out. Inside, outside.
"I must ask that you refrain from disrupting the other customers!" he cried from the seat cushion. Nathan looked around. The everyone in the room was staring at him. The were not there a second ago.
This is either the worst dream ever, or the most elaborate "reality television show."
"I assure you that this is no television show!" Earl said gruffly.
How did he hear that? I thought that statement. I have to get out of here! Nathan rose off the stool only to see the door was no longer there, but a very angry security guard.
" I'm going to have  to ask you to come with me." There it was again, the in and out. They sure don't teach you these things in school.