Gylfaginning Pt. II

  When we last left our plucky hero he had just entered the next room with the juggler to see iff'n he could have a sleepover and talk about boys.

I couldn't find any stock photos of a slumber party, so here's a picture of Greg Kinnear.

  Gangleri walks into the room, and he looks around, and is like, jigga whaaa? All around him were people playing games, hanging out, getting drunk, and sparing with weapons. So you know, like my saturday nights. Then he says, as we all do to ourselves when we get invited to a sick party,

All the gateways | ere one goes out
    Should one scan:
For 't is uncertain | where sit the unfriendly
    On the bench before thee.

Farther into the room are these three guys sitting on thrones. So cool as ice, Gangleri meanders up and is like, "Who are you fine gentlemen that own these halls?" He used the word "lords" but whatever. The lords respond that they are Hárr (High), Janhárr (Just as High), and the guy in the highest seat is Thridi (Third). The interesting thing is, I always read that thinking it was opposite, so I thought Third was the lowest, thinking it was High, Just as High, and Third, like that little brother you don't like. You learn something new every day!

  Then Hárr goes, "So are you here for the meat and drink, caaaause...That shit is free for everyone in the Hall of the High One...." Now, or some reason Gangleri doesn't question any of this. He's just like, "Ain't no thang, baby." Then comes the sweetest zinger ever.

 Gangleri "answered that he first desired to learn whether there were any wise man there within."
And Hárr, like a BAMF "said, that he should not escape whole from thence unless he were wiser." Hella fucking sn-ap!

  Following this, Gangleri starts a kind of, "Oh yeah? Well if you're so smart, who was the first president of the United States?" like it's second grade or something.

They gave me half credit for trying.

  But yeah, as typical Norse fashion is noted in Part Eye, Snorri jumps into the dialogue like there was a heroin needle buried at the bottom.

Gangleri: So who's the oldest of the gods then?"
Hárr: Why, elementary my dear Watson, that would be the Allfather!"

What Hárr thinks of your silly questions.

Hárr (Again. Hog the spotlight some more, will ya?): But, just to show you up some more, I'm going to name aaaaall twelve names he's got.

There are so many things wrong with this reference.

The next few lines are mostly quotes because Snorri could write a thing or three.

"One is Allfather; the second is Lord, or Lord of Hosts; the third is Nikarr, or Spear-Lord; the fourth is Nikudr, or Striker; the fifth is Knower of Many Things; the sixth, Fulfiller of Wishes; the seventh, Far-Speaking One; the eighth, The Shaker, or He that Putteth the Armies to Flight; the ninth, The Burner; the tenth, The Destroyer; the eleventh, The Protector; the twelfth, Gelding." All (see what I did there?) of these he can use to pick up chicks at whim. But he doesn't, cause he's that fly.

Gangleri: "Where is this god, or what power hath he, or what hath he wrought that is a glorious deed?" I'm pretty sure he must have practiced that over and over during the previous monologue, because no one could just say that in one go.

Hárr: Technically that's three questions, but there are three of us, so you'll get off lucky this time... "He lives throughout all ages and governs all his realm, and directs all things, great and small."

Jafnhárr: "He fashioned heaven and earth and air, and all things which are in them."

Then spake Thridi: "The greatest of all is this: that he made man, and gave him the spirit, which shall live and never perish, though the flesh-frame rot to mould, or burn to ashes; and all men shall live, such as are just in action, and be with himself in the place called Gimlé. But evil men go to Hel and thence down to the Misty Hel; and that is down in the ninth world."

We'll get to this eventually, but basically: die in battle, Val Halla with Odin or Fólkvangr with Freyja, don't die in battle but live a good life, Gimlé with Frigg (I swear that's a chick). Live a bad life, you go down to the freezing Hel, Niflheimr. The fiery Hel, Muspelheimr, everyone knows and loves is full of fire demons like Sutr. But we'll come back to all that later.
(I don't know why this exists, but I don't really mind.)

Gangleri: "What did he before heaven and earth were made?" My english, not so good, since I'm Swedish...

Hárr: "He was then with the Rime-Giants." What are Rime-Giants you might ask? Well to school you, Rime is also ice, thus Ice Giants, ak-fucking-a, Jötunn.

Gangleri: Heeeey, you got me agaaain...heh...alright then. Well then if you're so smart, tell me the creation story to educate our readers!

Hárr: Again, mere child's play! But I'll indulge you, because I just enjoy it so damn much.

And because I'll be on the Library of Congress while everyone will forget your name.