Becoming Human

  As some of you who look at the time stamps on this blog know, I'm a night person. I like to go to bed at 7 am, or if I have somewhere to be the next day, 3 am. This is a huge problem for me because I happen to be a college student and as such, I have classes that tend to be scheduled in the morning. As you all finish scratching your heads and stroking your beards (or inappropriately scratching your beard while stroking your head) you might come to realize that going to bed at 3 am for a class at 9 am is not the healthiest thing.

  I'm sure all of you are saying, "Just set your clock back! Go to bed at 3 am, then 2 am, then 1 am!" Yeah, that doesn't work for me. See, my body builds up endurance to the schedule I have built for myself. When I say that 3 am is a normal person's midnight, I'm not joking. When I go to bed at 5 am, that's like you going to bed at 2 am. Interestingly enough, by going to bed at 7 am, I'm going to bed at 4 am my time, which means I'm a night person within a night person. It all gets very confusing, which I attribute to spending the afternoon watching Charlie Kaufman films. Anyway, my body has shifted its internal clock to match the hours I keep. That's not a problem during the summer when I'm not in school (though it does wreak havoc in the winter because I get about 10 minutes of light a day), but not so great when in school, as I previously stated.

  I've realized that I can't fight the shift in my internal clock. Every night that I stay up late means that the next night my body wants to stay up a couple hours extra. I go to bed at 3 am, the next night I can stay up until 5 am. This is my body trying to get more than 12 hours of a day in, and it all just becomes a giant mess. When I don't have anything planned during the week, I don't know what day it is because each day blends into the next as the sun rises and I realize it's 9 am the next day.

  So in light of not putting up a fight (except for my right to party), I'm going to use my body's own method against it, I'm going to stay up each night later and later until I'm going to bed at midnight. Suck my dick, body! The reason that this works is that due to the shift in my clock, I don't live on a normal midnight to midnight 24-hour cycle. I've never actually mapped it out before now, but now that I have, it's really confusing even to me. When left to my own devices, my days are technically based on a 29-hour cycle if put next to a 00:00-00:00 clock.

  This new schedule is hopefully going to fix that. If not, I'm going to get trapped in an infinite time loop and explode, pulling the universe with me. Sorry everyone. Really.

  Anyway, this is what this coming week looks like:

Click to Enlarge is the name of my next rap album in which I degrade women by looking at pornographic photographs.

  It took me about 30 minutes to get this down because I kept trying to organize this better and eventually gave up. This is the result. I decided to just plan the schedule and see where it got me. I had to sit there and point to each day and say, this is this day to this day, as the numbered lines suggest. I kept getting distracted and because this was so strangely set up I had to start over, eventually just ignoring everything around me until I was done writing. I sort of screwed myself because Monday my only class doesn't start until noon. I would try to modify it to work around that, but I know that until I've committed to this schedule for at least a week, it won't stick and my clock will be back to where it is now. I'm interested to see what happens once I've adjusted to this new schedule; if I am one of those people who has to be in bed by 2 am or else fall asleep wherever I am, or if my body will start to slip back into my current schedule like a relationship that you can't remember why it ended in the first place only to wake up the next day after raucous bouts of sex and think, "Oh. Right. Because I was up until 5 am like I used to be" (Boom! Full circle). I'm sure I'll end up staying up until 2 or 3 am on the weekends like I used to, but hopefully maintain them to the real 2 or 3 am, and not 5 or 6 am.

  Either way, as you can see I'm going to be keeping some very strange hours this week. As such, I'll be keeping a journal (because a diary is not manly) this week describing what it's like to be so helter skelter (but not in a Charles Manson way, I promise), so keep your eyes peeled like a carrot (I'm sorry)!